May 27, 2003

• Hi there!

  
  

  SuSu hasn’t been around here much for a day or two.  I was busy over at KaiOaty’s place today, doing readings for FlightsOfWhimsy and ShadowofHel.

  
  

  Greyfox survived a couple of days in town without me and kept his sobriety intact.  He came home a few hours ago for clean clothes and to make the local AA meeting.  Since this group out here only meets once a week, I expect to see him every Tuesday for a while, even if he’s working in town the rest of the week.

  
  

  He got on totse a while ago, and let his friends there know why he hadn’t been around.  He posted that since his latest “near death experience” he and I are “more in love than ever.”  I have to agree with that.  Something is gone from him, some mental shield that has shut me out of his heart and soul from day one.  I really like this new guy, and I am very much liking what I have become since the recent intensity with Neptune, Mars and the Full Moon/eclipse.  The deeper I go the deeper I get.

  
  

  I appreciated all the comments I got on my latest blog, both the one out here below and the one I put in my comment box after it.  There is one comment that gives me a beautiful opening to say something I think is very important, so here goes:

  
  

  
  

  Well from my own personal experiences AA is not a cure.  My mother went to AA many times, only to fullfill her obligation.  It was amazing to me that the meetings were held inside an old bar, in which the other 3 street corners were occupied by bars.  It was actually ironic that the peeps in the meeting were professing there weaknesses and then 10 minutes later were at the bar.

  
  

  Just cuz AA didnt work for my mom, I guess it would be naive to think it doesnt work at all.

  
  

  I just think you have to be strong in spirit within yourself to make a change.  if you dont believe in yourself, how can you expect anyone else to…right??

  DaP
  

  
  

  In my far from humble opinion (and if I’ve ever left you a comment with “IMFFHO” in it, that’s what it means–I don’t have humble opinions, like George Carlin doesn’t have pet peeves) what it takes to make a change in oneself is intention, a real motivation, dedication.  I don’t really know what it means to be “strong in spirit.”  Maybe DaP means courage there.  I think courage is another requirement for doing the hard things such as transmuting oneself into a higher form.

  
  

  AA isn’t a “cure”, fershure.  Statistics I’ve heard recently say that of every four people who go through the doors of the rooms of AA, one will never drink again; one will eventually, after a number of slips and relapses, quit drinking; and the other two are dead ducks.  A fifty-percent success rate, in the addiction recovery field, is above average. 

  
  

  Unfortunately for the statistics, judges send people to AA instead of to jail for drunk driving and/or domestic violence.  Those people, there as DaP’s mother, “only to fullfill her obligation,” have little chance of success.  Even if one wants to quit drinking, the dice are loaded against us.  As we say, ”it works if you work it.”  If you are willing to call for help or go to a meeting instead of picking up a drink, AA can help you get sober.  Even God himself can’t stop you from picking up a drink if that is your Will. 

  
  

  I quit drinking yeaars ago by switching to other drugs and now I’m using AA as it was never intended, to stay off all my addictions.  Food Addicts Anonymous was just too tame, too clean, too straight for me.  Not enough junkies and jailbirds in there–I just didn’t feel at home.  I have found a group now where I do feel at home. 

  
  

  I have worked all but the last of the 12 steps, all on my own, just me and my Higher Power.   Now I’m preparing to do the twelfth step.  I plan to study a pile of books and pamphlets designed to prepare me for this, and then I will get clearance to go into a local jail once a week and attend an AA meeting with the women in there.

  
  

  That’s it, that’s all there is to my 12th step work, just going to meetings and sharing my stories.  You Xangans who have been hanging around with SuSu for a while might know how dreadfully hard it is for Kathy to tell her stories.    I can’t imagine anything that could be much more fun and rewarding for me than to go to jail–and to be able to get out when I’m ready to leave–just to tell my stories and listen to other women’s stories. 

  
  

  I need a shower before that meeting, so I’m stopping this right here.  I’ll be back.

  
  

  

  • 9:48 pm
  • 6 Comments