December 30, 2002

• LIBERTY

  
  

  Main Entry: lib·er·ty
  Pronunciation: ‘li-b&r-tE
  Function: noun
  Inflected Form(s): plural -ties
  Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French liberté, from Latin libertat-, libertas, from liber free — more at LIBERAL
  Date: 14th century
  1 : the quality or state of being free: a : the power to do as one pleases b : freedom from physical restraint c : freedom from arbitrary or despotic control d : the positive enjoyment of various social, political, or economic rights and privileges e : the power of choice
  

  
  

  PianoAsWeaponOfChange asked me, in a comment on my memoir blog a couple of weeks ago, what “liberty” means to me.  He made a very good point about ego, and the way in which the pursuit of liberty can lead to greed and other “evils”.

  
  

  Time has flown by as I considered that question.  I had no idea until I went back looking for the comment today that it had been so long.  I have had this pleasurable thought nagging at the back of my mind for seventeen days.  At first, I discussed it briefly with Greyfox and Doug.  I looked up “liberty” in the dictionary to see if I was thinking of it in correct terms.  I have no better personal definition for it than the #1 definition in the dictionary.  My favorite synonym for liberty or freedom is “autonomy”.  I like being my own boss.

  
  

  I don’t crave or seek total freedom.  To be entirely free, I’d have to be a hermit, without human connections and obligations.  That has no appeal for me.  The give and take of social life are important to me.  Where the social contract begins to pinch for me is the point at which people start telling me what to do.  When I first came online (no lie; no joke–in all sincerity), I felt a negative reaction each time I had to click a “submit” button.  If I have a motto in this life, it is “never submit”.  This, my friends, is not a submissive woman, here.

  
  

  As a child, I was termed, “contrary”.  Reverse psychology was often successfully applied to me, until I learned to recognize the trick.  My father once said I was so contrary that if I drowned in a river they’d have to search upstream for my body.  One sure way to make me dig in my heels is to push me.  In me that is an instinctive response.  I’ve mellowed some with age and become more cooperative, more considerate of others, but I’m not one bit more submissive.  If anything, my life experience and the confidence and strength I’ve gained over the years have made me less submissive.

  
  

  I thought it interesting that the example of liberty-gone-wrong given by PianoAsWeaponOfChange was one where wealth was seen as the vehicle to freedom, leading to greed.  The liberty I desired led me to abandon the pursuit of wealth.  Money is just too much trouble.  If not hours and years of honest labor, then equally abhorrent times of scheming or stealing or prostituting myself in one way or another, would have been the price of wealth for me.  I decided I didn’t need that.  I need my time and my attention, free and clear.  In 1972, I quit a job because my boss told me I’d have to wear a bra at work.  It was a kitchen job, without public contact.  It was an unreasonable order.  I probably should have sued the asshole, but that, too, would have been an imposition on my time and freedom.  I just walked out and let him do the cooking until he found someone else to do it for him.

  
  

  My decision to stop working for other people wasn’t an idealistic one.  It just happened.  A life of illness, a prison record, an undocumented education acquired in libraries on my own, and a tendency to speak my mind and follow my conscience instead of the rules, all conspired to place me in a position, in the mid-1970s, where I was out of work for an extended period of time.  Being forced to find other ways to get by, I found several that I liked better than working for wages.  It is still work, but I’m the boss.  That makes all the difference to me.

  
  

  PianoAsWeaponOfChange mentioned some religious concepts:  freedom from sin, freedom from self.  My religion distinguishes between evil, error, and sin.  Evil is that which is counter to divine will.  Error is innocent evil; and sin is the knowing commission of evil acts.  I wouldn’t know how to square those definitions with such “freedoms” in a religious sense.  I’m free of sin because I follow this cardinal personal rule:  “Do nothing to damage your self-esteem.”  To knowingly do something that I know is counter to the Divine Will would definitely damage my self-esteem.  Therefore, I do not sin.  But I am far from free of self.  Self is #1 in my book.  My life and the proper running of it is my main business.  My set of rules, my code of conduct, is stricter than that of our legal system or the Ten Commandments.  I live within my own code, and cut myself a lot of slack when it comes to other people’s rules.

  
  

  There is a lot more I could say about enjoying liberty, but I guess that covers the question I was asked.  I’m tempted to add a, “don’t try this at home, kids”, disclaimer because I know that my system would not work for many people.  Perhaps I’ve already conveyed the idea here that I’m not a liberator of others, not an advocate for my brand of liberty.  I’m just a free person, as willing to accept the occasional trouble and bother required to stay that way as I am unwilling to live by anyone else’s rules.

  
  

   

  • 7:57 pm
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