Month: June 2007

  • weekly photo challenge - heart of the country

    This week's subject is suggested by Timages

    His subject is Heart of the Country.

    My "country,"-- my milieu, stomping grounds, territory-- is Alaska.  The name comes from the Russian corruption of an Aleut word, "alaxsxaq", literally meaning "object toward which the action of the sea is directed" or more simply "the mainland".  (The Aleut people populated the Aleutian Island chain, and were the first ones the Russians met on their way here.)  The typically chauvinistic Alaskan interpretation is, "The Great Land." 

    It is great, as in large, outstanding, impressive--from the fjords and glaciers of Southeast, to the tundra and ice floes of the North.  The "heart" of this great land surely must be Denali, the highest mountain on the North American continent, sacred forever to the Athabaskan tribes who live here within sight of it.  In the language of the Tanaina, Denali means "The Great One."

    You can see one of my photos of Denali in my page background.  It was shot this year, during breakup.  Here are two more:

    Fall, 2002:

    fall Denali and wife.jpg

    Summer, 2001:

    Denali from McKPrincess.JPG

  • Tardy as Usual

    I have long ago faced this fact about myself:  I am a sporadic joiner (of organizations, causes, etc.), and an even less continuous participant.  Occasionally, I visit some of the many Xangans to whom I have subscribed.  There is no way I could read the blogs of all of them all of the time, but still when I read a comment that intrigues me on someone else's site, or see an unfamiliar nic that catches my eye, I click on it and if I feel there's something there worth returning to, I subscribe to yet another one.

    For years now, most of my Xanga surfing was done at the very top of my subscriptions list, visiting those sites most recently updated.  I missed a lot of people that way, mostly the ones who are not on Xanga at the same times of day when I am usually here.  Recently, I found what may be a fix for that.  I asked a whole bunch of my subs to be my friends, so now I have their profile pics showing up randomly in my friends box, to remind me of them.  This is working out nicely, so far.  If I haven't been around to see you lately, and if you care about that at all, friend me and you may start seeing comments from me more often.

    One of the causes I impulsively joined and continue to support in principle, while I have been neglecting to blog about it, is One Million Blogs for Peace.  The effort to enlist a million blogs in a year is in its thirteenth week, a quarter of the way through that year, and the current count is 611 - maybe a few of you could join, too.  Nobody will force you to blog about it or show up to shame you if you don't.  Eight Tuesdays have passed since the one week in which I posted my first take on a Tuesday topic.  Here is my tardy attempt to play catch-up:

    Thirteenth Tuesday Topic
    Tuesday, 12 June 2007
    In combatant countries in the Iraq War, myopia seems to keep misgivings about the War at bay amongst much of the
    population.
    The media and politicians are able to collaborate in getting citizens to ignore the travesties of a War that has
    enacted a civilian death-toll equivalent to at least twenty-one September 11th's.
    What types of daily activities or behaviors (as opposed to large one-time protests) do you think can help alert these
    populations to the fact that this is unacceptable?
    What do you think of the idea of refusing to rise for anthems or pledges in combatant countries until the War is ended?

    The effectiveness of such inaction would probably depend on how many people participated.  I have not stood up for the Pledge or the Star Spangled Banner, nor have I voiced the Pledge of Allegiance, since... let's see now...  forty years-- not since 1967, if memory serves.  Surely I am not the only person still doing not doing that.  At school functions while my son was still a student, I would occasionally look across a row of seats and see someone else of approximately my age, sitting there, apparently also protesting a war long abandoned, or expressing disillusion with our country's government.

    We might make it more effective by tugging on the shirttails of those beside us and in front, urging them to sit down in protest.  I don't know.  Do you think it would work?

    Twelfth Tuesday Topic
    Tuesday, 5 June 2007
    Assuming you had access to relatively limitless resources, what do you think would be the ideal event to protest the Iraq
    War?
    Describe in detail how you would plan, recruit for, and conduct the event.

    Something big and splashy like dumping blood on the White House...  We would have to act fast from start to finish, not to get caught before the plan was executed.  We could gather some online friends and fellow bloggers for peace, then we'd calculate the volume of blood that once flowed in the veins of everyone killed since we invaded Iraq (estimated, an average of all the conflicting figures), buy or hire helicopters with the kinds of buckets used to dump water on wildfires, and contact some slaughterhouses about buying blood... or we could simulate it somehow.  We'd need to hack into military computers and civilian phone systems to prevent the mobilization of anti-aircraft fire and the scrambling of fighter jets.  Then, after they tracked us down, we'd all make eloquent, impassioned pleas for peace at our trials and executions.  [BTW:  if anyone tries to actually do this, it wasn't my idea.]

    Eleventh Tuesday Topic
    Tuesday, 29 May 2007
    Cindy Sheehan, perhaps the most famous personality in the effort to end the Iraq War in America, announced yesterday that she
    is leaving the peace movement.
    She cites extreme disillusionment with both American politicians and the peace movement in general, as well as personal
    exhaustion and strife, as her reasons for the departure.
    What do you think of this decision and its reasoning?
    What impact, if any, do you think her announcement will have on the peace movement?
    What parts, if any, of her frustration do you relate to?

    I can totally relate to her frustration.  I think that her departure must have caused a minor blip in attention and interest at the time, to whatever extent it received media play.  This is the first I'd heard of it.  I don't think she stated her real reasons for quitting, or at least not all of them.  I think it is entirely her own business what she does.  Ms. Sheehan looks nice and has a sweet voice, but she is a lousy public speaker.  Either she has doubts about what she is saying, or she has personal self-esteem issues, and they come through in her speeches.  I wouldn't want her as my spokesperson, y'know?

    Tenth Tuesday Topic
    Tuesday, 22 May 2007
    Over 1,000 Iraqi civilians have been killed since three US soldiers were kidnapped in Iraq.
    During that time, the predominant focus of thousands of US troops has been to locate those three soldiers.
    What does this say to you about the priorities and ethos behind the Iraq War?

    Well, duh!  It's war.  Any suggestion that war is moral, reasonable, humane, just, or even-handed, is jingoistic propaganda or disinformation.

    Ninth Tuesday Topic
    Tuesday, 15 May 2007

    Well more foreign soldiers have now been killed in Iraq than were killed in the 9/11 attacks.


    While there are obvious distinctions in the manner of death and status of the dead (civilian vs. military), the fact remains
    that each dead person leaves a gaping and torturous hole in the world of the people they leave behind.


    Could you imagine politicians leveling the same rhetoric against the Iraq War that was leveled against 9/11?


    Do you feel that those responsible for perpetrating the war have any sense of this responsibility they bear?

    We must try and remember that some of the impact of the absence of those soldiers is lessened by the fact that many of the civilian members of their families are also dead.  Politicians who do not toe the chauvinistic, nationalistic, patriotic line are committing political suicide.  One of the men who perpetrated this war was was taught by his mother that he has a moral responsibility to wage a crusade against the enemies of Christ.  I don't suppose he is in close enough touch with reality to care about the deaths of heathens and unbelievers.  As for his advisers and supporters, I would assume that a few of them have nightmares of guilt, and are doing massive amounts of alcohol and other drugs to compensate.  A suicide or two among those in power now would not surprise me.

    Eighth Tuesday Topic
    Tuesday, 8 May 2007

    Describe the political and governmental format for Iraq that you feel gives Iraq its best chance at long-term peace.


    What do you see as potential pitfalls of other systems?


    No comment.

    Seventh Tuesday Topic
    Tuesday, 1 May 2007

    The United States Congress passed a bill last week limiting war funding and calling for substantial withdrawal by next
    March.


    President Bush is expected to veto. It is also expected that there are insufficient votes to override this veto, and this
    will lead to negotiations on a compromise bill.


    Do you trust those who are against the war in the US Congress to stick to their policies and stand up for peace? If not, do
    you find any wholly political solutions likely or viable for the short-term in ending the Iraq War?

    No, and NO.

    Sixth Tuesday Topic
    Tuesday, 24 April 2007

    It has recently been revealed that at least two highly publicized accounts of U.S. soldiers in the Iraq War were largely, if
    not wholly, falsified.


    What does this say to you about the motives of those prosecuting the Iraq War?


    How much faith do you have that any of the information we are getting about Iraq has validity?

    See my "Tenth Tuesday" answer above, regarding propaganda and disinformation.  This is war.

    If I appear cynical -- if it seems that I am being hard on the anti-war movement, I apologize.  I support the anti-war movement in principle.  In theory, anti-war movements are fine and noble endeavors.  In practice, they don't have enough firepower to be effective against the machinery of the military-industrial complex.

  • My Psychic Career

    When I use the word, "psychic," I often put it in quotes.  It is a problematic word.  I don't have as many problems with it in its adjective form as when it is used as a noun, but psychic abilities themselves are controversial, so the word is troublesome.  I have gotten to know enough other people with psychic abilities to realize that intuition, empathy, telepathy, psychokinesis, psychometry, remote viewing (or clairvoyance), clairaudience, and other forms of ESP are human capabilities that might be normal if they were accepted and allowed to develop naturally.  Instead, some people fear them, others condemn them, and still others have such overblown fantastic views of them that they think a "psychic" is omniscient and omnipotent.  It's all bullshit, of course:  the fear, the superstitious condemnation and the fantasies.  But that's the way this culture thinks, at the moment.

    Five people, more than any others, were instrumental in getting me started on what would end up being perhaps the greatest part of my life's work, my career as a "psychic" counselor.  In conversation within my family, that word I have put in quotes is used casually, and often humorously, such as in the running in-joke, "You must be psychic!"  My husband says it to me occasionally, when I answer questions he hadn't gotten around to asking or when I say something like, "I knew you were going to say that." 

    I have picked it up from him and now say it to him or to my son, Doug, when one of them intuits, anticipates or perceives something that some people would consider to be out of the ordinary.  It's one of the ways we process, play with, and cope with a world in which one or another of us occasionally has to deal with looks of amazement and exclamations such as, "You're for REAL, aren't you?" from our clients.  If they don't think we're legit, I wonder why they consult us.

    The first mentor of my psychic career was my mother.  She usually knew who was calling before she picked up the phone.  As a child, I couldn't hide much from her and she always knew when I was lying.  So did my father.  For some time, I took that as a challenge and put a lot of effort into becoming an effective liar.  Then later I came to understand that I have a talent for projective telepathy and, as I started developing it, I stopped trying to lie.  The two things are incompatible.

    Nobody in my parents' household or our extended family used the word, "psychic."  I was an adolescent before I became acquainted with it.  I didn't have any word for my mother's (and my own) good guesses about who was on the phone, my knowing at the start of a live televised horse race which one would win, or the way my mother and I tended to answer questions before they were asked.  It was just the way we were.

    Rhys Court was my second mentor.  At a critical time in my life, he gave me my first Tarot reading.  It told me what I needed to know to get through that crisis.  Impressed, I came back and asked Rhys to do another reading for me, but he told me to learn to do it myself.  I shoplifted my first deck of cards.  At the time, I was not yet aware of the traditional superstition that the Tarot is sacred and "money should not change hands" over it.  I didn't have any money, which was part of what that crisis was about.

    During that homeless period, much of my time each day was spent in the public library.  If I wasn't there, I was probably in the Odyssey Coffeehouse, sitting at a table made from a cable spool, with a deck of Tarot cards and a book on reading Tarot by Eden Gray, the third of my early mentors.  To get practice, I'd ask my friends and acquaintances if I could read for them.  I was too reticent to approach strangers and ask them.  Sometimes, I would have to pick up the book during a reading and look up the meaning of a card.  That was how I learned them.

    My fourth and fifth mentors were the first two "strangers" who approached me and asked me for readings.  An older man named Bill Baker would let me practice on him each time he encountered me at the coffeehouse.  He gave me feedback on the details and accuracy of my readings, to help me fine tune my skills.  He wasn't into metaphysics or Tarot.  He was into words, as I have always been, and he commented on my vocabulary.  He said that one thing which impressed him about my readings was my sincerity.  I recall little else about him, except that his encouragement helped me continue in my metaphysical studies, even in prison where books on the "occult" were forbidden.

    The other person there at the Odyssey Coffeehouse who helped me along this road was the late astrologer, Esther Leinbach.  She pointed out the astrological symbolism in the Tarot, and as I would read for her and others, she would comment and fill in details from the astrological angle.  It was during those days sitting around one or another of those big spool tables with a group of interested observers, reading cards, that I first began to be called, "psychic."

    That was in winter and spring of 1970.  The following summer, I went to prison for possession of marijuana.  I was there for fifteen months, after which I spent a rootless time riding freight trains and hitchhiking (all covered in various memoir segments linked from this hub page--let me know if you want to be on my protected list to access the links).  By that time, I no longer needed to look up the meanings of the cards.  It has never been easy for me to break the ice and start a conversation, and I discovered that my Tarot cards were effective in letting me meet new people and get to know a lot about anyone in a very short time.  I'd pull them out at parties, or anyplace where there were time, space, and people.

    I came to Alaska in 1973, and in 1976, during the economic bust that followed the pipeline boom, my then-soon-to-be-husband, Doug's dad, Charley, and I were unemployed, eating out of dumpsters and selling at flea markets the junk we salvaged from the trash.  Each morning, he'd go to Denny's for coffee with a bunch of his friends who were carpenters and building contractors, looking for work.  One day, he came home with a clipping from the newspaper.  It was a call for vendors, musicians, jugglers, fortune-tellers, etc., to participate in the first annual Girdwood Forest Fair.

    In the forest behind the Girdwood fire hall, he put up a frame from the same salvaged 2x4s we used for our flea market booth, and I covered it with India print bedspreads and furnished it with floor pillows.  My table for spreading the cards was a scrap of plywood laid across a melon crate.  He stood outside talking to passersby and explaining how I worked.  In answer to the first person who asked how much it cost, he said, "Whatever you think it's worth after you hear it."  That was my first gig as a professional psychic, and I still use those words to answer that question.

    From then through most of the eighties, I worked summers only, adding more fairs and festivals.  I began to encounter prejudice and religious persecution, and made it my mission for a while to demystify all that psychic and metaphysical stuff and open some of the closed doors.  For a while, I was the only card reader working the festivals.  Then, suddenly, one year in the mid-eighties, six others set up booths in Girdwood and shocked and frightened the xian fundies into action.

    Previously, they had contented themselves with sitting down in front of my booth to sing hymns, and haranguing the people sitting around outside waiting to get in to see me, until Charley or one of my neighboring boothies would notify the management and the bouncer would come remove them.  From about the second or third year of the Forest Fair, there has been a sign at the entrance, saying, "No politicians, religious orders, or dogs, allowed."

    With so many of us there, I suppose they felt we were too great a threat, and a delegation appeared at the planning meeting for the next fair, trying to get us all banned.  They succeeded only in part.  There were enough xians on the board to get everyone else banned, but I had enough supporters there who knew, respected and trusted me, that they were able to get me "grandfathered" in, since I had been there every year since the first one. 

    I was at the Girdwood Forest Fair just a few days before Doug was born, having Braxton-Hicks contractions, with paramedics from the first aid booth coming by to check on me every half hour or so.  The next two summers, Doug sat on my lap and nursed while I was doing readings.  I not only fed him as I worked, I ate in little snacks between clients, because the crowd outside waiting was so large that it could take hours to get in to see me.  Charley kept encouraging me to speed it up, cut it short, move them through.  I got better and better at cutting straight to the important stuff and getting it across.

    Anchorage, where I still lived at that time, had a few well-known psychics.  One had helped searchers locate survivors of a plane crash.  Another had been shot in the face three times by someone who thought she knew too much about his criminal activities, and survived.  There was a cadaverous, hard drinking, chain smoking guy who believed that he kept his psychic powers at a peak only by keeping his hold on this life as tenuous as possible.  I met them all, one way or another.  Many of them passed through the Astrological Center of Alaska, where I minded the bookstore when the owner was away, and taught classes a few evenings a week while Doug was small.

    Then we moved to this valley when Doug was two years old, and two years later Charley moved out.  I kept working the festivals in summer, and made a few trips into Anchorage during the winter to work parties, see longtime clients, or read cards in the front window of the Source Metaphysical Bookstore.  It was there that a young woman consulted me about her relationship with an abusive boyfriend. 

    The cards advised her, through me, to leave him.  Instead of leaving him, she told him that the fortune-teller had told her she should leave.  I don't know if she ever did leave him.  She was still there, according to him, for the next few weeks as he made repeated threatening phone calls to me, warning me to leave his woman alone.

    Readings were as good as currency, a lot of the time.  I traded readings for all sorts of goods and services.  I had standing arrangements with a few Anchorage merchants, massage therapists, and other psychics, to stop in for swap sessions when I was in town.  I was trading readings with Nancy Swanson one cold winter evening before heading back out of the city, when I asked her for advice in expanding my work so I'd have some regular income in winter as well as summer.

    She asked me, "Can you do absent readings?"  I didn't even think before I answered, "yes."  Just once, two young women had come to my booth at a music festival asking about a friend who was in a coma.  I generally consider it unethical to read for one person at another's request, but in that case, and in a few cases when parents wanted readings for their children, I have done it.  Nancy suggested that I start advertising and doing readings by mail.  My first ad was in the Old Farmer's Almanac in 1987.

    I advertised in Psychic Guide (later Body, Mind & Spirit), in Gnosis, Magical Blend, Fate (horrible experience, tons of crank letters), Voices from Spirit, several other magazines, some local publications, and the National New Age Yellow Pages.  JadedFey doesn't recall which magazine it was that she picked up in a tattoo parlor and found the ad she tore out and kept for a while before writing to me, but that was what led indirectly to my blogging on Xanga.

    I was doing about a dozen readings a day by mail at the peak in the late eighties.  One interesting request came from a mathematician.  He apologized, said he really didn't believe in psychics, but he was desperate.  He had been working on a proof, and his equations were not coming out right.  He wanted to know what was wrong, if he was wasting his efforts.  I told him he'd made a simple error in calculation.  He found it, corrected it, thanked me, apologized again for not believing in psychics, and sent a generous check.

    The publisher of a small pagan newsletter, The Graverobber's Gazette, wrote to me for advice about relocating.  He wanted to establish a Museum of the Occult and had several locations in mind.  He liked my work so much that he not only paid me, he put a glowing review and a free full page ad in the newsletter for me.  I didn't even know he'd done that, until Greyfox answered that ad.  That was how I happened to encounter my soulmate of several millennia and many lives, this time around.

    After Greyfox came into my life, bringing his addictions and personality disorders, we worked as partners for a couple of years, until it all dissolved into chaos.  Without money for advertising, my mail order business diminished, but I still get occasional requests from former clients or their referrals, or from someone who has found the National New Age Yellow Pages in a library somewhere.  Around the turn of the millennium, I became too ill to do the summer festival circuit.

    I thought of myself as being in semi-retirement until I got the inspiration to create Coyote Medicine's Klinic.  I used that outlet to publish a collection of FAQs covering many metaphysical topics and the most common questions I have been asked by clients.  I posted readings there for many Xangans until Xanga changed its Terms of Use to allow only non-commercial use, and I was forced into retiring again... retreating, I suppose, is a better word for it.  I work when I'm able and don't even try to do readings when the brain fog is too thick or the clutter too deep on my worktable, but I still work from time to time.

  • Blogging it OUT

    On the theory that venting helps one get over vexations...

    My entry yesterday included one perfectly adequate definition of "normal" and mentioned that other definitions have narrower technical applications, yet some people persist in asking, "What is normal?" or trying to attach a positive spin to what is essentially a neutral, descriptive, definitive word.  The gist of those comments is that "normal" equates with "okay," "superior," "acceptable," "approved," etc.

    I am not asserting that it is not okay or acceptable to be normal, only that it is equally okay to be abnormal, supernormal, or even subnormal.  Each of us has some areas in which he or she is average (NORMAL) and other areas in which his size, income, work, family situation, intellect, strength, or some other facet of life, falls outside the normal range.  It is not my place to approve or disapprove of anyone's conformity or quirks or the absence of either.  But, damnit, people, the word has existing definitions.  It means something.  It cannot mean superior, because it means average, the antithesis of both superiority and inferiority, the antithesis of standing out from the crowd in any way.

    Get this through your heads:  when you try to reassure someone who knows that he or she is not normal (thanks, Homer) that they are okay, that they are really normal, it is an insult.  You insult not only that person's intelligence (for we know we are not normal), but you also denigrate any efforts that person has made to excel, any accomplishments, any excellence that person has shown, or his or her efforts to transcend handicaps or disabilities.

    The real issue here is not one of semantics.  It is one of cultural values.  When a culture places so much value on blending in and not excelling or deviating, it is a sick society.  Be that way if you want to, but I won't be party to it.   If you are speaking of my height, the number of parents I have had, or other ways in which I fit into the norms, feel free to call any of those characteristics normal.  When you refer to my hair color, my intelligence, my education, my lifestyle, my signature, or me in general, as "normal," be prepared for an argument.  Another way that I deviate from current social norms is that I don't hesitate to make an issue out of such things.

    Okay, I feel better now.  I can get back to writing the real blog I was working on before I read my comments.

  • Definitions and Limitations

    I know I have blogged about "normal" before, even recently, but it keeps coming up.  Both Timages and wixer have brought up the word, "normal," in the last day or two.  Knowing me pretty well already, and being a fellow aficionado of semantics and reader of dictionaries, wixer wrote in response to the latest astrological post, "My word! your chart is all in one spot! Is that normal? Ok... for you, semi-normal?"

    Timages and I are engaged in an exchange of messages that began when he responded to my surreal dead moose images by calling them, "icky."  Then he said he supposed they were "normal" for this geographical area and my lifestyle.  I replied, "I don't want to mislead anyone. I am not normal, even for this place.
    My neighbors would agree with you on the ickiness of that subject. 'Ick,' is just not in my working vocabulary."

    In his response, he tried to reassure me that I am normal, and explained that in France, where he is, "ces't pas normale," is a widely used criticism or judgment cast on anything that meets with disapproval.  Poor man, never having been on the receiving end of my "normal" rant, he's going to get it now.  My latest message to him says, in part:

    I used to resent being called "normal", since my IQ is in the high 99th
    percentile and I have had to work so hard to have a relatively normal
    life in spite of many physical challenges normal people needn't contend
    with. Now, when anyone mistakes me for normal, I simply, calmly, correct
    his misconception. I have never been normal, and as a small child I
    once came crying to my father when some other children were teasing me
    about one of my abnormalities. He told me there is no virtue in being
    just like everyone else.

    Google lists dozens of definitions, some of them quite technical in the fields of mathematics and statistics, but for most social purposes one will suffice.

    Definitions of normal on the Web:

  • being
    approximately average or within certain limits in e.g. intelligence and
    development; "a perfectly normal child"; "of normal intelligence"; "the
    most normal person I've ever met"

I don't care what anyone says.  I AM NOT NORMAL!  Get over it.  I like it this way.

And, Gail, no, my chart does not have a "normal" configuration.  The average person's planets are scattered around the wheel, but I was born at a time when most of them were clustered in Virgo and Libra.  That was a hot time of the Second World War, the first big war to come after the Great War to End All Wars.  In September, 1944, Finland signed the Moscow armistice, joined the Allies and began expelling German troops; Allied troops were advancing across Southern France toward Germany; and MacArthur's forces were taking Borneo and the Philippines.  Heavy times for the entire planet, it was the very dawning of the Baby Boom.  The only major planets not in Virgo or Libra were Uranus in Gemini and Pluto in Leo.


I am accepting and learning to work around the video limitations imposed by economic constraints and my slow internet connection.  I had to edit my first two videos down to five seconds or less in order to get each one uploaded before having the connection interrupted.  I have decided to face the challenge of producing five-second videos.  Making a five-second video isn't hard.  The challenge will be to make them interesting and meaningful.

In my latest effort, the second, I was trying out the audio track and attempting to capture the way the wind waves the tall grass around.  A few Xangans have commented, over the years, that they feel they can hear my voice in my writing.  Now they will get a chance to find out if my real voice is anything like they imagined it to be.

As I was recording, I also picked up some unidentified birdsong.  If any one knows what kind of bird it is, please let me know.

  • Mercury Might As Well Be Retrograde

    Since the middle of last week, Mercury's apparent motion might be compared to crawling through molasses... cold molasses.  I'm feeling it particularly keenly (if anything about me can be said to be "keen" at such a time) because this retrograde station is activating the stellia in my natal chart that I call my curse-blessing, or intensity, pattern.  (My chart is here.)

    The station, exact this Friday in the afternoon and evening across North America,  at 11°35' Cancer, is conjunct my natal Saturn; semi-sextile Pluto and Uranus (right on the midpoint of my Gemini Uranus/Leo Pluto sextile); sextile my Mercury/Jupiter conjunction in Virgo, which straddles the 9th house cusp; square my Libra Moon-Mars-Midheaven conjunction; and making a minor, bilien (75°), aspect with my Sun/Chiron combust conjunction in Virgo in the 9th.  That bilien is supposed to be related to malice, treachery, passion or grief.  If I get to choose, I'll take the passion.

    This explains the general sense of exhilaration I've been experiencing, 'cause if intensity doesn't come my way, I find a way to create some.  In this lifetime, challenge is what it is all about.  The Mercury station also helps me get a handle on the oddball ways I have been communicating and expressing my creativity lately.  There was all that stuff about maggots and dead moose.  That's oddball.  I admit it.  But that's not all.  This morning, before I was out of bed, I wrote a poem.  I have written maybe half a dozen poems in the past thirty years.  Prose is my medium.

    Ready or not, here it comes:

    Light Workers stumbling around in the dark;
    Trekkers exploring a small city park;
    Tweekers believing in brain chemistry;
    Seekers receiving the Word from TV;
    Everyone's going to Hell on a sled,
    Nobody knowing his arse from his head.

    I jotted down a draft on the scratchpad by my bed.  Reading it over, it sounded to me like I'd been channeling Dorothy Parker on a bent frequency, so I decided to title it, With Apologies to Dorothy Parker.

    Something else:  my favorite images among my recent photographs look like my digital camera is channeling Georgia O'Keefe -- bones, big flowers, images subtly suggestive of genitalia....

    Some of hers:

    Some of mine:

     

    JadedFey, one of my favorite Geminis, had a birthday yesterday.  I know how she feels about Mercury retrograde:  dreads it, hates it, barely endures it.  One of my favorite astrologers, Rich Humbert, was born during Mercury retrograde, and these are the times when life tends to hum along just tickety-boo for him (he says... so I wonder why this week's Celestial Weather Report is late).  How it affects individuals depends on each person's natal horoscope.  How's it going for you?

    P.S.  One of my recent images, rosepetal 1270x953, might be suitable for a background.  You are welcome to use it.

  • Thanks for asking.

    I am getting great blog mileage ["bloggage"?] out of the remains of the poached moose that were dumped in our cul de sac... almost as much as we got out of the moose that Doug killed in our front yard when it was stomping our dog Koji, and that we helped local knifemaker Dancing Bear butcher to get it out of the path to our door.

    First, I got surreal pictures.  Then, when, by request, I explained those images and kvetched about censorship of my first video, I got more questions to answer.

    Prissy wanted to know:

    "...is there nothing that can be done about this,,, if they are killing animals out of season, if caught can they not be prosecuted?"

    Yes, Alaska's fish and wildlife laws are strict, and they are enforced.  Illegally taking game can result in fines and imprisonment, in addition to forfeiture of any guns and other equipment used in the crime, including vehicles.  There is also a law forbidding trophy hunting without salvaging the animal's meat.

    Prissy commented on my strong stomach, too.  I guess it is true I have one.  Stuff just doesn't bother me.  I think part of my lack of squeamishness is the result of my being relatively free of fear.  I'm not scared of bugs, snakes, pain, death, the dark, the unknown... it's a long list.  You name it, and if I have not already transcended the fear it is only because I haven't become aware of it.  If I uncover and recognize a fear, I transcend it.  Life is ever so much easier this way.

    Another factor in the "strength" of my stomach could be my conscious control over my gag reflex and other physical things that most people don't bother controlling.  I didn't need to suppress any reflex this time, didn't experience any nausea or revulsion, but the last time I got motion sick, in a stretch of rough water coming home from my honeymoon, on the ferry through the Inside Passage, when everyone else was puking over the rail, I just told myself it was pointless, I didn't need to.

    Smarticus wrote:

    I
    know that you expend a great deal of time cultivating detachment from
    various things (pain, guilt, judgemental-ness), but did it irk you at
    all that someone killed the cow out of season, and then didn't bother
    utilizing more of her, or even butchering the calf?  It seems like a
    waste to me.

    Also as an aside, moose scare the holy hell out of me.  I am always
    amazed at how many people will just assume that herbivores are, you
    know, *nice*.  When I read your blogs about where you live, I really
    like the fact that I live in California where it's not so cold and dark
    and there are no damned bears or big huge moose.

    It really doesn't take any great expenditure of time, and the farther I go on this quest to transcend fear and practice universal unconditional love, the less effort it requires.  I only need to be in touch with myself, aware of my feelings and reactions, and to remind myself of the reality of Oneness if I happen to slip into the illusion of separateness. 

    I did look up "irk" to make sure I understand the question.  Wordnet says it means, "gall: irritate or vex."  So, no, it didn't irk me.  Doug had told me about someone dumping moose bones and guts in the cul de sac, and my trip that day was specifically to look at them.  There was no surprise, and consequently no reaction, until I got close enough to see behind the cow's humongous ribcage and saw the beautiful, slender brown legs of the calf.  What I felt then was a sad, "awww, a cow... with a baby."  I think some maternal instinct was involved there.

    I was reared to deplore waste.  There is Scots ancestry on both sides of my family, as well as Cherokee and Hunkpapa: peoples who make (or made) whistles and game pieces out of bones, rattles from hooves, and who wear claws and feathers as ornaments.  But in the here and now, reality sometimes makes it difficult to, for example, save a moosehide.  Neither Dancing Bear, nor I, nor anyone he knew in Talkeetna, was equipped to deal with the hide of that moose that Doug had to shoot a few winters ago.  If the person who killed this cow and calf was a weekender out here from Anchorage, he certainly would not be equipped to stretch, flense, and tan a hide.

    Letting parts of an animal become carrion and go to scavengers, is only "waste" from a narrow human perspective.  This was a realization I "got" a decade or two ago when I was doing a lot of gardening and composting.  It would irk me extremely if, for example, one or two apples out of a bag I bought would be bad, or if I'd not eat the carrots fast enough and they'd rot.  Then one day in the garden as I spread my compost, I heard these words in my mind, "It's all one Earth."  Ever after, when I'd feel that touch of guilt, blame, regret or whatever, upon pitching something in the compost, I'd repeat those words to myself and let it go.  This does not in any way keep me from working to minimize "waste," it just keeps me from feeling bad about it.

    In this case, I don't really know what was left behind for the scavengers.  I didn't move the calf to see if it had been gutted for the delicacies of heart and liver.  Nor did I wrestle with the cow's head to learn whether her tongue (my favorite part) had been taken.  I sorta suspect from the sheer bulk of that gutpile that they threw away the liver, heart and other organs, but I don't know that for a fact.  It doesn't matter.  Whatever they left behind, something will eat.  One reason I didn't try to move the calf was that I might have disturbed some rodent(s) that had burrowed into it for a feast.  Marten bites, or ermine, or even shrew bites, can be serious, and the ones with rabies are more likely to be aggressive when disturbed.

    I don't, strictly speaking, know if this incident was technically "poaching."  The only way it is permissible to kill a game animal out of season is in defense of life or property.  That was what Doug was doing when he killed the moose in our yard.  It might have been the case with that cow and calf.  Cows are aggressive when they have young calves, especially if someone happens to get between the calf and its mother.  If one of my neighbors or a weekender did shoot the cow in self-defense, then killing the dependent calf would have been an act of mercy.  If that was the case, the only crimes were failure to report the killing and illegal disposal of the remains.

    Even if it was a true poaching, an opportunistic out-of-season killing for meat, and even if the person who did it was motivated more by economy and/or a taste for wild game, rather than the necessity to feed a hungry family, who am I to judge or blame?  What does it gain me?  How does it serve me?  At most, I feel that the choice of parkland as a dump site was infra dig, but there could be some logical reasons why the killer was afraid to be out on the highway with the illegal haul.  Fear, however self-defeating and futile, is often very logical.

    I have to agree with Smarticus about the foolishness of assuming that herbivores are harmless.  Just because they won't eat you, that doesn't mean they won't maim or kill you if they feel threatened by you.  I felt confident once that I could fend off a young bear with a broom, and I was proven correct.  But the winter when snow was so deep that the moose were maddened with starvation and couldn't get out of our plowed roads and driveways, I let my experienced friends persuade me to carry a gun when I walked Doug to and from the school bus stop.  I'm glad I did, because it saved me from an enraged charging bull moose.

    Yeah, as I said, the moose remains in the cul de sac didn't irk me.  I must admit, however, that Smarticus damning our bears did irk me momentarily, but I got over it.

  • My First Video

    The Video YouTube Wouldn't Show

    At my request, Doug edited my arty 28-second video that panned up from the maggoty gutpile and across a bit of breathtaking Alaskan green scenery.  I had been unable to upload to Xanga the entire 28 seconds without having the connection to the server reset and losing the upload.  I asked Doug (because he couldn't tell me where the software was to do it) to cut it down to just the maggots, the part I justifiably felt would not be done justice by the medium of still photography.

    The remaining 6 seconds uploaded for me, but what shows here on Xanga has lost its focus and gone all pixelated.  Apparently my camera's format is smaller than Xanga's so this doesn't look as sharp as the original even after I reduced the dimensions of the embedded object. 

    However, the sound is accurate.  Under the hiss and clicks of the maggots, you can hear the buzz of the flies and a bit of distant birdsong.  Ah, wilderness, beautiful Alaska!  Too bad I had to cut out all the arty/pretty stuff so you could get the full effect of the heaving, seething, mass of maggotry.

  • Frustrated Artistic Expression

    Several people asked about the story behind my surreal pictures posted yesterday, and one person said she really didn't want to know.  Someone else implied that the whole genre of surrealism, and the word, "surreal," itself, is defined by the work of two famous artists, but that's another story and I disagree.  In my opinion, one can study the entire oeuvres of Dali and Magritte and still not understand the meaning of, "surreal."

    Read no further, Carate, if you really don't want to know... and anyone else who is squeamish about what happens to the physical remains of dead animals, be advised that this post deals explicitly with some details of that process.

    A couple of weeks ago, Doug came in and asked me if I had seen the blue tarp out in the turnaround at the end of the cul de sac.  [For those of you not already familiar with the terrain in my neighborhood:  we live on the edge of a protected wetland, subarctic muskeg that the developer who subdivided this old homestead was forced to leave intact.  However, before he understood that he wouldn't be allowed to fill in the marsh for house lots, he had started building a road across one section of it.  The original plats for this subdivision (and Google's maps, which are apparently based on them) show a grid of streets extending several blocks beyond that turnaround at the end of our cul de sac.  Amended plats mark all the muskeg as, "dedicated parkland."]

    It is a park without park rangers.  All policing and maintenance are done by the residents of my neighborhood.  Somebody posted a sign out there warning hikers, snowmobilers, motorcyclists and ATV riders that it is a swamp and they enter it at their own risk.  The margin of the turnaround has become a dumping ground for brush, stumps, and excavated dirt, and a fire ring at the center of it has been the site of several parties and picnics.  I have seen tourists park their RVs out there, and leave behind bags of trash and piles of feces marked by festoons of toilet tissue.  A couple of weeks ago, somebody killed a cow moose out of season and dumped her pelvis, spine, ribcage, head, and young calf, alongside a tattered old blue plastic tarp holding her gutpile and draped with her hide.

    For a few days after Doug told me about finding the moose remains out there, my photographic excursions had gone in other directions.  It wasn't until last Saturday that I got out there to view it.  I sorta wish I'd seen it sooner to document the scavenging and decomposition over a longer span.  On my first trip out there, my smeller wasn't working (I have intermittent anosmia as a result of M.E. and a sinus condition), so it was the visual effect that struck me--in particular, the clean-limbed, soft, warm brown beauty of the three legs of the calf that extended along the ground next to its mother's enormous stark red, black and white ribcage.  I didn't dig around to make sure, but I assume that its other leg and its head are concealed by its body.  It is just lying there in a heap, up against the stump of neck still attached to the cow's head.

    I knew I had the "surreal" challenge coming up.  I had been talking to Doug and Greyfox about surreality (and, of course, as a side issue, a little bit about Surrealism, the art genre, but the challenge was on "surreal" images, not "surrealistic.")  I had been on the lookout for things that appeared to me to be surreal, and that calf's intact discarded corpse amid the greenery between the hide-draped blue tarp and the denuded bones of its mother, was definitely an instance of "incongruous juxtaposition."

    I took one series of shots that day, June 2, and another series two days later.  I hadn't been back out there again until this Friday, four days later.  The most obvious change then was that something, a canid probably, had moved the pelvis that is still attached at the end of the spine.  When the ligaments finally disintegrate, that pelvis may be one of the first parts dragged off into the woods for gnawing.  The downside of yesterday's trip to the gutpile was that my sense of smell was functional.  I brought way too many microscopic particles of putrefaction home with me on my nosehairs.

    Less obvious at first, but more striking upon closer inspection, were the changes to the hide, tarp and gutpile.  The whole heap was undulating, and bits and pieces of hair, flesh and blue plastic on the surface were moving around from the action of seventeen bazillion maggots of various sizes.  I said to myself that still photography just wouldn't do justice to that scene.  Then my self replied with a hint of sarcasm, reminding me that the camera in my hand had the capacity to capture video images.

    I had been reluctant to venture into video production for a couple of reasons.  I don't have much memory for my camera, and the number of batteries it consumes just for still photography is alarming and distressing.  Now that I have made my first video, I have a couple more reasons to minimize my future ventures into that medium.

    I focused on the squirmy seething mass of maggots, panned across the calf's legs and parts of its mother, then up for a long shot and slow pan across the green muskeg, forested horizon, and low clouds.  I viewed my results, noticed camera shake, deleted my first effort and did it more smoothly the next time.  Then I came home, figured out how to save it to my hard drive, and got online to register at YouTube.

    After sitting, playing solitaire, for a couple of hours through a seemingly interminable upload, I watched the bar hit 100% and the page jump to one where my video was supposed to appear after "a few minutes to process."  After hours, it still hadn't appeared.  Doug told me later that someone had probably flagged it for deletion because of the maggots.  What?!?  Are they nuts?  Well... yes, they probably are, but they also surely think I am nuts for accepting such natural things with the equanimity that I do.

    My spouse, soulmate, and beloved partner in crime, the shaman, Greyfox, taught me the shamanic/animistic paradigm:  "Everything that is, is alive."  Rocks and trees have consciousness.  We know this.  We sense them and know that in their own ways, they are aware of us.  Greyfox has expressed exasperation over "conscientious vegans" who refuse to "kill living things" for food.  He points out that a carrot is as alive and conscious as a caribou.  To me, a maggot is as lovable, and as worthy of life, as a moose.  I appreciate the job done by the flies and their larvae in disposing of carrion.

    Last night, I tried several times to upload my video to Xanga.  While I slept, Doug tried several more times.  Our dialup connection is slow and the upload kept being interrupted by error messages saying the connection to the server was reset.  I don't know if it is worth continuing to try.  It is my first video and even though it lacks skill, I'd like to share it.  I feel a little frustrated about this, but I'm not unaware that few people would truly appreciate my decidedly surreal vision of the natural beauties, living and dead, in my environment.


    pelvis in foreground with saw-cut stubs where legs were removed, attached to spine and ribcage

    interior.jpg
    I did NOT actually crawl into the ribcage to get this shot.  I extended my arms and the camera in, and took three shots.  I posted the third one.  The first one included dozens of flies, by the second one, all but two of them had vacated the cavity in alarm.

    calflegs.jpg
    calf's legs, with portion of its mother's ribs at lower right


    moose cow's ear, with flies


    moose hair at edge of hide, with larvae showing through a rip in the tarp

    moosehide2.jpg
    The white filaments in this shot are moose hairs.  The black moonscape is part of the gutpile, an internal organ.  I obviously don't know enough about the internal anatomy of moose.

    One more, a bonus I omitted from the "surreal" challenge entry - and, by the way, it is NOT a contest, despite what some of the participants think.  The challenge, as I understand it, is to find and capture images that represent the weekly theme.  This one just wasn't surreal enough, in my opinion.

  • Surreal Photo Challenge

    This week's subject is suggested by A_storm_in_Heaven.

    Surreal

    This challenge could well be an embarrassment to me.  I never have understood what surrealism is.  Etymology suggests that it is more than real, above real, beyond real.  What is more real than real? 

    Google told me:

    Definitions of surreal on the Web:

  • strange or bizarre.
    www.curriculumsupport.nsw.edu.au/litnumsite/Lie/glossary.html
  • phantasmagoric:
    characterized by fantastic imagery and incongruous juxtapositions; "a
    great concourse of phantasmagoric shadows"--J.C.Powys; "the incongruous
    imagery in surreal art and literature"
  • dreamlike: resembling a dream; "night invested the lake with a dreamlike quality"; "as irrational and surreal as a dream"
    wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn
  • "Strange... bizarre... incongruous juxtapositions..." surreal is in the eye of the beholder, it seems to me.  Each of these images has a story, but telling the stories would probably detract from the effect.

      

    SuSu

    Recent Posts

    Recent Comments

    Categories