May 20, 2005
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I’m so high…
…and so glad I’m not loaded.
You twelve-step members among my readers will know what I mean. I’ve got the high that comes only from an excellent meeting. I’ve never been at a bad meeting, but some are better than others. Tonight, the topic was taken from the daily meditation in Just for Today, and was on the tenth step, keeping in touch with ourselves and with Spirit and staying on track for getting better and better from day to day.
Those who shared at the meeting ran the gamut from newcomers either struggling with the first step or reveling on the pink cloud of the recovery high, to the full spectrum of old timers who demonstrated that there are as many ways to do this program as there are addicts to do it.
I had dropped Doug at the local net cafe before I picked up my vanload (and it was a full load tonight, twelve of us, all the van will seat and almost more than the old Ford will haul uphill) at the rehab center. That’s where I am now — the cafe. Just had to take advantage of this last half hour before the cafe closes, to BLOG. Blogging was my life once upon a time, and I intend for it to be a bigger part of this life once again when I have a machine at home to blog on. I might get in here Saturday, because our NA group is having a barbecue and I MUST come back in for it because one of the members who has to work that day gave me a ten-pound buffalo roast that I’m committed to cook and bring in for the crowd. I’m also going to prepare a big salad as my contribution to the potluck.
Dingus6 (I guess little Dingus5 is growing up, eh?) asks those innocent questions and I can’t tell if he is being disingenuous or genuinely seeking answers. I’m constitutionally unable to pass up a rhetorical question, anyway, so I’ll tell the world, whether it wants to know or not, that when Greyfox is there BBS stands for bigger and better bullshit, but I think it originally meant bulletin board service. Feel free to correct me if I’m mistaken. When I got online, I used to post on boards and to email newsgroups, but that was before I discovered the glory of blogging, without a mod to delete my posts and slap my virtual wrist for going off-topic or straying from the party line. Here I can state my opinions and even contradict myself, and if it angers anyone I can choose whether to engage in an argument or block the dissident. What power! That’s the part that’s addictive about blogging.
Seriously, I miss Xanga more than can be accounted for by addictive withdrawal. Self-expression is a valid human need, I am convinced. It is no fun trying to express myself to Doug or Koji or the cats. Koji is the only one of them who cares, and they all read my mind anyway so what’s the use and where’s the fun in working to articulate what they already know.
I think we’re going to be taking another kitten home tonight, one of the new orange guys, if on second look it still appears to be female. She’ll have a better chance of fitting in with the two old spayed queens and little Hilary the climber than a tom would, and she won’t be spraying the bookshelves and bedspread when she grows up. She might have a bit of a rough time at first, getting used to being goosed by a dog snoot once in a while, and learning her place in the feline social system, but Hilary adjusted just fine, so I’m not too worried about that. My only anxiety is the economic insecurity issue of the vet bill to get her spayed, and I’m trying to transcend my insecurity. I guess I need those challenges… I dunno.
I have less than five minutes left before closing time, and I don’t suppose I have much more that I can actually get said in that much time, so I won’t start a new ‘graph. Maybe I’ll visit a few of you. That would be fun. It’s been too long.
Comments (9)
Like I said before, you’re missed.
told the old fart to tell you hi but, since you’re right up here high on my sites i read this morning, i’ll say it myself.
hi, kathy!
Oh, indeed you are missed! I was so glad to see this this morning!
You sound happy. That’s a good thing. (<– my Martha Stewart impression)
(and you’re also one of my very favorites… I’ve actually thought of running away to Alaska you know…)
Nothing like a good meeting. It can shed new light on every corner of my mind to hear others’ experience and stories. I sometimes think of going and getting there and sitting through the meeting as drudgery, but when I go I never, ever regret it. I always learn something, even if it’s something I learn that I don’t want to do or be. Thanks for reminding me of why we do this.
I missed you beaucoup! And yes, self-expression has been an important part of life since first humanoids roamed the earth–don’t they have evidence of ancient cave drawings and such before any other reocrded history? I would die (at least spiritually and creatively) without an outlet to express myself. Xanga’s a great place to do it.
I was going to say it’s a long time since I was high, but then you was not writing about the weed! And of course you can get a healther high through meditation, it is not one of those new-age quack sciences that are pathetic but a long-standing pathway into appreciating the value of life.
I often wonder what it is like living there that far north.
Kathy — I’m so glad to hear that joy! We miss you very much!
I am so glad you got “high”. Way to go!!!
Jen
Yep, there’s just nothing else like a good meeting!
Just wanted to tell you not to assume that girls don’t spray, because they do. The girl next door comes into our yard & sprays, then my Charlie sprays to counteract that. It’s getting out of hand, the cat next door has gotten into my garage and sprayed, and Charlie then compounding the problem — also up in the van which I injudiciously left open the other day.
I think they only do it if their territory is threatened, so if she’s part of a cat “gang”, then maybe she won’t feel the need to “express” herself. Good luck!