April 13, 2005
-
The
cat came back. About 4:30 this morning, I heard a scrabbling at
the door. When I opened it, Hilary came in. She hesitated
briefly, because Koji had followed me to the door and she wasn’t too
sure about entering with that big snoot in her face.Once inside, her first stop was the food dish — not her dish in Doug’s
room, but the old ladies’ dish in the hallway. She seems to
prefer their senior weight control kibble over her own kitten
menu. After a few bites of food, she spent an hour and a half
rubbing up against me and purring until I gave up on sleep and got out
of bed. Then I took her into Doug’s room and told him she was
home. He reached for her happily and sleepily, and I left them
there.
Too energetic, or at least too incautious yesterday, I did more work
than I’m accustomed to doing, and hurt myself. This is for me the
big dilemma of chronic fatigue syndrome: am I better off pushing
the envelope, working myself to exhaustion and spending days
recovering, or pacing myself, taking it easy, conserving energy and
getting little done. Since I never know until I hit the wall just
where that limit is, I often end up over the line as I did yesterday.Tomorrow I go to town for the voluteer gig at the rehab ranch.
I’ll need all the energy and stamina I can scrape up. I don’t
plan to do any strenuous work today, but I know I’m vulnerable to
another of those energy spurts this afternoon, so I’ll have to be
vigilant. Maybe I should chain my ankle to the computer chair –
but no, that won’t work. When Doug gets up he’ll want to use this
machine. I guess I can go back to bed. I’d rather just plow
into this mess and get it all cleaned up, but I know that would be
foolish.
I’m keeping myself focused on lofty ideals, the moral high ground and
all that crap right now. I’m doing my best not to do my worst,
but the temptation is strong. I get no encouragement in my humane
and ethical efforts from the guys at home. Last night while I was
venting my frustration with a certain nameless person to Greyfox on the
phone, Doug was hearing my end of the conversation. With both of
them giving me their opinions, I was getting stereophonic reinforcement
for my base urges.These guys had the perspective I’m trying to keep:
“…Last, but by no means least, courage–moral courage, the
courage of one’s convictions, the courage to see things through. The
world is in a constant conspiracy against the brave. It’s the age-old
struggle–the roar of the crowd on one side and the voice of your
conscience on the other.”
—Douglas MacArthur—“Great
spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocre minds. The
latter cannot understand it when one does not thoughtlessly submit to
hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses their
intelligence.”
—Albert Einstein—Yeah, Mac, and it is a struggle, indeed… and, Al, they not only don’t understand, they can get downright pushy about it.
“Enlightenment
is man’s emergence from his self-imposed immaturity. Immaturity is the
inability to use one’s understanding without guidance from another.
This immaturity is self-imposed when its cause lies not in the lack of
understanding, but in the lack of resolve and courage to use it without
guidance from another. Have courage to use your own understanding!”
—Immanuel Kant—I’m workin’ at it, Manny.
Comments (14)
I’m glad your kitty came home. She must have had a big adventure. Or she did like my cat does and hits the neighbors up for food. And just sort of hangs out at their place for a few days. Silly kitty’s
Hooray for Hillarty–and for you, for keeping to the high road. SOMEONE should, I guess.
No one in public life is doing it, that’s for sure.
A minor miracle in your neighborhood. The cat returning I mean. I love happy endings. There are so few of them these days. Were there ever a lot of them? I don’t know.
LOVE the new pic (Awwwww!).
Oh, BTW, I plan to get a loaner phone Monday unless you wanna go to the Evil Empire on Thursday.
Yay for kitties who come home!
take care of yourself, and try not to overdo it.
I’m with you on the moral high road, too. Shame of it is, I have to have this debate with people I WORK with. At a company that creates and sells ethics and compliance training, and prides itself on its ethics and high moral.s
Yeah, right. 8sigh*
i am sure about that – working too hard is a social disease…..
So glad the kitty found her way back home. Given time and observation you will find out just how far you can push yourself before hitting the wall most of the time. It took me a few years to figure it out and I still hit the wall somedays. I don’t have chronic fatigue sydrome but I do have a chronic disease that stole half of my energy some 20 odd years ago. It takes me about a week to recoup when i hit the wall. Nice to get to know you.
“This is for me the big dilemma of chronic fatigue syndrome: am I better off pushing the envelope, working myself to exhaustion and spending days recovering, or pacing myself, taking it easy, conserving energy and getting little done. Since I never know until I hit the wall just where that limit is, I often end up over the line as I did yesterday.”
Oh my god, I know!
This has been one of my ongoing dilemmas with this illness. And it’s SO hard to slow down when I’m feeling good… you know, because I have so much to catch up on from the time I was knocked on my ass!
Sometimes I contemplate even changing my work schedule. Normally I work three 12′s, then I’m off four days. I dunno… maybe it would be better for me to space it out differently. By the end of the third work day, I’m pretty wiped.
‘hope you catch up on that lost sleep– sounds like you need it.
It is curious–curious that physical courage should be so common in the world, and moral courage so rare.~ Mark Twain~
Moral courage is worth striving for.
You’re a very evolved soul, and it can be hard to be in this world sometimes when different than most of your fellows. As Don McLean says in “Vincent,” “this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.” Keep on keepin’ on.
I’m so glad that kitty came home–that’s a relief. Love the picture–what gorgeous animals!
I’m glad the cat came back.
lovin the quotes from your moral guides….
been a while i always say I need to catch up but time
seems so fleeting these days
hope all is well in your world…