March 2, 2005
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Life is good, I guess.
I have gone ’round and around and up and down today. I got
so frustrated with my writing that I was unable for a few hours to
settle down to any task at all. There’s jewelry work sitting here
unfinished, but I couldn’t get into it. I wanted to write, but
couldn’t decide where to pick up the thread.The memoir segment I posted earlier today was something I started
working on days ago. When I started it, I thought it was the
logical “what comes next” place to start. But it wouldn’t
flow. I plodded through, putting one word after another.My mind kept wandering, running ahead to the time that comes right
after the end of that segment. Jumping around in time brings
headaches and hassles when I try to tie it all together, so I’ve been
trying to maintain some continuity.Then, when I’d finished and posted this bit about the summer of ’55, I
remembered some important things about the summers of ’53 and ’54 that
I’d left out of those earlier episodes. So much for trying to
maintain continuity. Now I need to go back and find a way to fit
in the stuff I just remembered.My memoirs are going to read like a crazy quilt. I’ve had
some doubts that I’d live long enough to write it all down. If I
have to write it all and then edit it into some coherent and sensible
form, forget it.I decided I needed to vent some of that frustration, but couldn’t get
into xTools for half an hour or so. By the time I did start to
write out what I was feeling, I looked at the words on the screen and
realized that the angst had passed. What a petty bunch of crap,
nothing worth getting my knickers in a knot over.I do have other things to get in a stew about, things that might even
be more important in the great cosmic scheme of things. I could
start worrying about my health and physical condition, family finances,
cold weather and our diminished firewood supply — there’s a long list
of things I could worry about.Why bother?
I’m here. It’s now. I’m recovering from the recent
concussion and whiplash injuries. For today, at least, there’s
wood in the wood box. There’s moose meat in the freezer and fuel
in my gas tank. Things could be so much worse….
Comments (9)
i’m kind of in one of those passive waiting to see what happens modes right now … it must be the time of year …
I kind wish I could write like you. But I can never remember much about what I did five days ago let alone five or more years ago.
i understand the ‘why bother’ and being grateful for being in the moment and the present as well… but it’s often when someone else here is ‘venting’ or in some fashion expressing what may seem mundane or pointless or ungrateful, etc… that i find a spark of reflection in myself and find it that much easier to sort the tasks of daily living and my mind’s and heart’s desires more and more aligned with my ideal self.
Don’tcha just hate when that sense of perspective kicks in and ruins a good angst? *hug* Hope your healing is quick.
I remember Winky Blink’s secret messages. What an inspired gimmick that was.
I always feel secure knowing I have a tank of gas. It wasn’t always possible to count on that.
I do that sometimes: come to Xanga to vent, type it out, look it over, and decide not to bother.
I’m glad you’re recovering.
You should see the shit I start as a post…. Not really…
The bitter taste I have from life and is kept in check most of the time… Thank God….
Remind me to use my memory and get to the post office today or the morrow…
Has been hectic and I suck…
Be well woman…. It looks gooder on ya…
huh.. i had this week full of great things to write about, then over the weekend i sat down but my brain was going faster than my pen.. i kept getting distracted so i tried to write in the back of class today, but i ended up playing a video game instead (yeah im spending good money on an education, right?). I’m glad to hear you’re recovering though. And at least that moose was good for something.
time. i have no time.
and when i do, i can’t call the words up.
pfft.
so i post pictures most times now.
and then i go back later and add words.
maybe.
and it could be much worse.