February 25, 2005

• cultural disorientation and related discoveries

  In this lifetime, I’m a gringa by chance and not by choice, a reluctant
  red-haired anglo, all of whose youthful crushes were on dark-eyed,
  raven-haired, brown-skinned boys.  In cowboy movies, I rooted for
  the Indians.  When exposed to Español, I picked it up quickly and
  easily, while I never had any facility for German or French. 
  Listening to Ricky Martin, for example, his lyrics make more sense in
  Spanish than when he sings in English.  It
  made no sense to me until mid-life when I started recalling past
  lives.  Now, somehow, I understand.  Still, I don’t entirely
  fit in the cultural box into which I was born.

  Last week, toward the end of those trying weeks without a computer, I
  went to town.  Having viewed every video worth viewing from the
  odd lot Greyfox had passed on to me, and discovering that Blockbuster
  was selling VHS tapes for $1.99 and up on a buy-two-get-one-free deal,
  I visited both of the Blockbuster stores in Wasilla.  I picked out
  ten or a dozen videos that I knew Greyfox would never have
  chosen.  A few were obviously chick flicks, which he won’t even
  bother watching.  I really needed a break, a different flavor to
  get the taste of his taste in movies out of my mind.

  The best of the lot was Luminarias,
  a Latina chick flick done in my native tongue, West Coast
  Spanglish.  Written by and starring Evelina Fernandez, it made me
  laugh and cry, just what I needed after all those flicks of Greyfox’s
  that made me cringe and gag.  When I got the computer back, I went
  looking for more info about Evelina.  I found out about the awards she has won, het teaching and advocacy work, along with a selection of her poetry.

  I really like this one:

  
  
  
  On The Edge…

  As she stood on the edge of the volcano
  Looking down at the bubbling lava
  Shifting her weight
  Burning her little patas
  Knowing,
  that she would soon be thrown in
  A sacrifice for Aztec men
  She thought to herself,
  “Que Gacho! Porque tengo que brincar pa’ bajo?
  The will of the Gods?
  No puede ser
  Para esto no se hizo la mujer.”
  But, there was no turning back
  it was clear
  So, she closed her eyes
  and threw back her crackling hair
  “This may be the end of me,
  but other Princesas I will be:
  I will be La Malinche,
  who will help El Pinche,
  Cortez,
  conquer my people…
  (They had to find a way to blame a woman)
  I will be La Rielera
  and I will have my Juan
  The only one – I’ll love
  ‘I will follow him,
  follow him where ever he may go…’
  I will be La Llorona, crying for my children
  ‘Hay, donde estan mis hijos de la chingada, si no se portan bien los mato!’
  I will be Rosie the riveter during World War II,
  La Jitterbugger with a pompadour on my head
  My soldier’s picture by my bed
  Then,
  A black veil will cover my head
  I will mourn the young men
  who are dead,
  again and again…
  I will be Dolores, Amparo, Esperanza, Yes, Hope
  Punished in the 60′s for smoking dope
  And burning my bra, dressed like a hippie
  ‘Ama, make love not war.
  Ay, don’t hit me!’
  I’ll be a Chicana Princess wearing a brown beret
  ‘Chicano Power’ I will say
  And, yes, si me da la gana,
  I might even be gay
  I won’t be afraid to say who I am
  I will stand up to any man!
  No more making tortillas a mano
  I won’t put up with a drunk or a marijuano
  Then, I’ll realize
  Things don’t change overnight
  ‘I love my cultura
  I don’t want to be white
  I want to be equal
  A partner in life
  I want to be your lover
  Not just your wife.’”
  Just then, the Aztec men
  came to throw her in, bien gacho
  She smiled at them, winked and said
  “Hay los watcho”
  She jumped, did a flip and a three quarter turn
  No, this princesa wasn’t afraid to get burned.
  She dove in head first
  Something no Aztec had seen
  For she knew she’d live on
  She would be a queen.

  Evelina Fernandez

  • 6:27 pm
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