November 17, 2004

• The Redhead Theory Revisited

  For a while this morning, as I sleepily fed wood to the woodstove and
  got my first cup of tea, I was wondering what had gotten me onto this
  train of thought.  Then I traced it back to my latest subscriber, neuroticfitchmom, and our apparent mutual pleasure at having found another red-haired Xangan.

  I don’t suppose, for example, that people with black hair find as much
  delight in encountering others of their type.  I guess part of the
  interest here is the rarity of red hair.  We natural redheads are,
  I have read, the smallest ethnic minority on this planet.  The recessive nature
  of the gene for red hair makes our occurrence in any given family
  somewhat unpredictable.  Two red-haired parents can have offspring
  with other hair colors, and often do.  Neither of my parents had
  red hair.  Although I have red-haired cousins on both sides of the
  family, none of my aunts, uncles, or grandparents is red-haired.

  I’m told that the gene skipped three generations of our family, that I
  had one great-great-grandmother on each side with red hair.  One
  of my five children has red hair, and at least one of her kids is a
  redhead.  At least, my daughter Angie‘s
  hair was red when she was a baby.  When we were reunited in the
  1990s, she had it dyed to almost the same shade of red as my hair,
  although it had darkened to brown as she matured, she told me.  I
  wouldn’t have known if she hadn’t told me, because she has the light
  eyes and pale skin with a sprinkling of freckles that many of us
  have.  In my opinion, no matter what her hair color, she’s still a
  redhead.  I also generously grant “redhead” status to two of the
  men with whom I’ve had long-term relationships:  my fourth husband
  Michael (The Hulk), and Gary (Stony), the man with whom I came to
  Alaska.  The hair on Michael’s head is brown and Gary’s is blonde,
  but both of them have red beards and orange pubic hair.  They
  qualify.

  There are a lot of chemical (not bio-chemical) redheads around, of
  course.  But there is more to being a redhead than just
  melanocortin1.  As we say in the Realm, . 
  There is an attitude that goes with it.    My late red-haired
  best friend Mardy had some friends she classed as honorary redheads
  because they had the attitude.  Mardy said it wasn’t their fault
  they didn’t get the hair color to go with it.  The stereotypical
  redhead has a hot temper and healthy sexual appetite.  In my
  experience both stereotypes are to some extent true of both genders,
  but there is a prevalence of hot tempers among red-haired males and of
  hot pants among the females.  There is something else, too, I
  think.  That’s where my redhead theory comes in.

  I cannot take full credit for the theory.   The portions of
  it relating to the tempers and sexual appetites had been developed by
  my fifth husband Charley and his redheaded internist Martin Palmer, MD,
  before I met either of them.  Charley is not a redhead.  He’s
  an honorary redhead.  His father was red-haired and all his
  children except for my son Doug have red hair.  I was his third
  wife — third red-haired wife.   Charley says he never even
  considered marrying a non-redhead.  I suppose he’d notice just
  about any naked woman who strolled across his visual field, but he has
  some kind of radar for redheads.

  Charley had observed in his first two wives and their daughters some
  similar physical weaknesses that seemed to him to possibly have a
  genetic basis.  They all had skin problems, clotting deficiencies,
  sinus problems, digestive problems, allergies….  Observing that
  his doctor was a redhead, Charley mentioned his observations to
  Martin.  Martin admitted to having some of the same health
  problems, and to having noticed similar things in his red-haired
  patients.  When Martin started treating me for some of those same
  things, the three of us discussed the theory that Martin and Charley
  had come up with to account for the redheads’ stereotypical reputation
  for hot tempers and hot pants.

  According to the theory, we have so many genetic weaknesses associated
  with that recessive gene that individual survival into breeding age,
  especially in primitive populations, would necessarily be small in
  comparison with other genetic groups.  In primitive populations
  having a quick temper could be a plus in ensuring that one survives
  long enough to breed, so the redheads who did most of the breeding
  would be the ones who were quick to defend themselves from the
  slightest threat.  Likewise, those who bred the earliest, 
  most frequently and most vigorously would have the most offspring, thus
  helping their hot tempered and sexually hot line survive.

  My contribution to the theory came in when I noticed that in the
  Anchorage chapter of Mensa five out of twelve active members were
  natural redheads.  It was a small sample and I wasn’t immediately
  ready to credit it even though that ratio was far out of proportion
  with the percentage of redheads in the general population.  I did
  some informal research and learned that IQs are disproportionately high
  among redheads.  It makes sense, does it not, that in a small
  genetic group with distinct physical weaknesses, not only a tendency to
  fight or fuck at the drop of a hat, but also some superior smarts could
  help an individual survive and pass along his or her DNA?   I
  picture in my mind with fondness a long line of gimpy, but far from
  wimpy, brainy carrot-topped ancestors with rashes and sniffles and
  such, merrily getting it on for the good of the genetic line. 

  I
  suppose I’d feel just as fond of my ancestors if the red hair and a lot
  of those genetic weaknesses did not appear on the lists of traits of
  Pleiadian Starseed, but I gotta admit that last little fact does add an extra frisson to how I feel about my redheaded great-grandmas.  I once posted the list of Starseed traits on a forum at the Realm,
  and asked my fellow redheads how many of them had similar
  characteristics.  All of the responses except for one acknowledged
  having some, even some of the more obscure traits such as extra or
  transitional vertebrae (I’ve got that one, too).  That lone
  dissenter took violent, vehement exception to any implication that she
  might be descended from space travelers or that “aliens” had ever come
  to this planet, or that “they” even exist.  Okay, there’s one in
  every crowd.  When Doug (another honorary redhead with attitude)
  or I express some idea that my current husband (#6) the Old Fart
  considers exceptionally bizarre, Greyfox says that’s more proof that we
  did not evolve on this planet.  Doug and I just share a look and a
  smile, and nod.
  
   

  • 1:57 pm
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