August 25, 2004

  • SuperSize Blog

    My readers know that a brief blog from me is a rare exception to the
    general rule.  Be warned:  this one may turn out to be longer
    than most.  I realized last night as I was talking to Greyfox and
    he said I absolutely must blog about that morning’s events here at
    home, that if I continue as I had been, blogging each day the events of
    the day or the weekend, etc., just past, I would never catch up. 
    In an effort to catch up, I intend to cover in this entry both
    yesterday and at least the first part of today, particularly some
    comments received on yesterday’s blog about the past weekend.  One
    comment in particular stimulated in me a desire and intention to cover
    in depth the subject of addiction, something I’ve previously dealt with
    only superficially here.

    Before I get into that past stuff, I want to deal with here and now –
    a sitrep.  The long drive, busy weekend and deficient sleep left
    me in sorry shape on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday.  Today, at least
    I can walk straight and my vision is clearing up.  If anyone wants
    to commisserate with me or offer me well-meant suggestions on how they
    deal with fatigue, please spare me unless you yourself have ME/CFIDS
    (myalgic encephalomyelopathy / chronic fatigue immunodysfunction
    syndrome) or have a degree and a specialty in a related field. 
    Perhaps my physiological fatigue is a contributing factor, and perhaps
    not — but anyhow, I’m simply sick of hearing about what a bunch of
    normal healthy people do to deal with their normal healthy fatigue and
    aches and pains.  Believe me, I have my own coping mechanisms and
    have learned through decades of experience what works and what does
    not.  We with this disease exhibit many paradoxical reactions to
    such simple things as exercise, massage or steam baths, etc.  Just
    spare me, okay?

    Rude Awakening
    or, the cat’s catch-and-release program

    About 4:30 yesterday morning, I awoke to some sounds I later identified
    as an excited Koji doing his kangaroo impression.  He frequently
    stands on his hind legs like a bear, to see farther.  When he gets
    excited, such as yesterday when Doug took his leash and head collar off
    the hook in preparation for his walk, he stands on those back legs and
    hops, apparently just because he can’t contain his eagerness. 
    It’s amusing to see and can be challenging to deal with when one is
    trying to get him into that head harness, but it’s nothing unusual.

    There’s nothing unusual about Doug walking the dog or doing anything
    else at 4 AM, either.  He cannot properly be called a day person
    or a night person.  He is not bound by an ordinary person’s
    diurnal patterns.  His internal clock runs on a longer cycle than
    most.  Each day he rises and falls asleep a few hours later than
    the day before, by our 24-hour clock.  To be able to guess at what
    hours he might or might not be awake, one needs to know where he is in
    his own idiosyncratic cycle.  Even then, it’s unpredictable
    because he sometimes finds it inconvenient to go to sleep at all and
    stays up for 36 hours or more, completely throwing the cycle out of
    sync.

    The thing that was unusual, that led me to exclaim, “What the fuck!?!”
    and get both Doug’s attention and the dog’s, was the rodent running
    across my pillow and through my hair.  As I watched the little
    brown body squeeze down between the book shelf and the wall behind my
    bed, I responded to Doug’s query about my exclamation.  He then
    told me that Granny Mousebreath (see where our Catriarch gets her
    name?) had brought in some live prey and turned it loose.  Then he
    harnessed Koji and they went out.

    Soon after that I heard the familiar sound of Granny, “talking with her
    mouth full.”  She came through the hallway from the bathroom,
    where she had entered through an open window.  The whole way, she
    was calling, announcing her entrance, with another live vole or
    lemming, or something, in her mouth.  I’m not more specific about
    the species of her prey because the little things move so fast and get
    under cover as quickly as they can.  From the size and color of
    the one that scampered through my hair, I’d guess it to be a
    lemming.  The one I saw her carry in was smaller and darker,
    probably a vole or shrew.

    It lay still when she dropped it and I breathed a sigh of relief: 
    one less live rodent in the house.  But it was only stunned or
    playing dead.  When she patted it with a paw, it leapt up and
    scurried under the couch.  All day yesterday the evidence of my
    own ears and the sight of Koji sniffing around in various parts of the
    room revealed where those two rodents and/or others of their kind had
    gotten to.

    This bringing in of live prey is something the cats don’t do all the
    time.  That behavior is usually confined to the end of
    summer.  There may be some other reason for it, such as a
    superabundance of prey at this time, but I suppose it is because the
    cats know that soon the window will be closed for winter, many of the
    rodents will have burrowed out of reach, and so they are now stocking
    their own private hunting preserve.  

    Occasionally, Granny has brought in a live bird, but that does not work
    out so well for her.  The birds don’t run for cover.  They
    fly at the windows until I capture and release them.  I suppose,
    if the birds were not so frantic, and so stupid about slamming their
    little feathery bodies into solid glass, I’d be more tolerant and
    Granny’s winter prey would be more interesting and diverse.  But
    that is not the way things are.

    If this year follows the patterns set in previous years, by November or
    December the household rodent population will be extinct.  They
    can’t remain in hiding, but must come out searching for food, silly
    things.  They play right into the cats’ claws and jaws.  I
    don’t make life easy for them, as I did the first winter I found a nest
    of shrews resting on the shoulders of some things hanging in my
    closet.  That time, I placed a jar lid full of grains and seeds on
    the floor of the closet for mama shrew and her cute babies.  That
    was before I had a cat, before I’d gotten more than enough of the wild
    rodents’ shredding clothing and bedding and gnawing through packages in
    the pantry.  Now, if they are foolish enough to come in here out
    of the cold, or not fast enough to avoid becoming Granny’s captive
    stock, then they are fair game.

    Okay, that’s the Lite Blog for today.  Next comes the real meat of
    the matter, my treatise on addiction replete with quotes from various
    authoritative sources.  Since little of it is my own work (except
    for the introduction, selection and editing), I think I’m not overly
    immodest to suggest that it’s worth reading, even if that means you
    must do it in more than one installment.

    Oh, and it’s not just for dope fiends, either.  This information
    applies equally well or even better to the “moderate” drinker or user,
    or one who is addicted to sex, gambling, soap operas or the internet.

    Trite Sayings and
    Bogus Philosophy


    versus

    Biochemistry and
    Observable Phenomena

    I have long suspected that dingus5
    sprinkles his comments here with worn out platitudes and silly ideas
    just to bait me and see how I react.  If I am mistaken about that,
    so be it.  I won’t apologize.  It simply does not seem
    appropriate to apologize to someone for overestimating his
    intelligence.  If he truly believes such facile, puerile crap,
    then my opinion of him is the least of his problems.

    The ancient Greeks preached, “moderation in all things.”  It is
    reasonable to infer from such preaching that they were well experienced
    in the hazards of immoderate behavior.  To Greeks of the
    Pythagorean school, temperance, moderation, or the “mean” between two
    extremes — the reconciliation of opposites — was believed to create
    harmony.  That’s a pretty theory, I will admit.  When it
    comes to practical reality, however, time and again in the centuries since the
    Golden Age of Greece the theory has failed to prove itself valid.

    I would challenge anyone to preach moderation at an AA or NA
    meeting.  Experienced drunks and dope fiends know that path won’t
    work for them.  In the quest for moderate drug use, many have
    died.  In AA’s “Big Book” one essay lists the ways one might try
    to moderate his drinking with strategems such as drinking only at
    home, drinking only beer, only after five, etc.  Whenever that
    list is read at a Big Book meeting, it is greeted with the rueful
    laughter of those who have tried some of those things themselves.

    Among the routine readings at the start of each of our NA meetings is
    this:  “The only way to keep from returning to active addiction is
    not to take that first drug. If you are like us you know that one is
    too many and a thousand never enough. We put great emphasis on this,
    for we know that when we use drugs in any form, or substitute one drug
    for another, we release our addiction all over again.”

    David F. Horrobin has explained why alcoholics cannot moderate their
    drinking.  I have extracted here some portions of Chapter 11 of
    Mary Greeley’s book, Alcoholism as an Allergy:

    Prostaglandins (PGs) are powerful chemicals found in every cell of the
    body.  They appear to be key controlling factors which regulate
    the way every organ works.  There are at least 20 of them, each
    with a specific function.  They are being constantly produced just
    when needed and then are instantly destroyed so their effects are not
    too prolonged.  

    PGs come in three families, all formed from relatively stable chemicals
    called essential fatty acids (EFAs).  EFAs are like vitamins, they
    cannot be made in the body and must be provided regularly in
    food.  Every body cell has an EFA store and when PGs are needed,
    EFAs are brought out of storage…. rapidly converted to PGs which
    briefly exert their effects and then are destroyed….  

    PGE1 is formed from an EFA known as dihomo gamma linolenic acid
    (DGLA).  PGE1 can open blood vessels which have gone into spasm,
    reducing the amount of damage due to a heart attack, and possibly even
    prevent heart attacks.  PGE1 can also lower high blood pressure,
    and reduce cholesterol production in the body.  PGE1 can stimulate
    a poorly functioning immune system, block inflammation and control
    arthritis.  PGE1 has dramatic effects on the Central Nervous
    System and behavior.  PGE1 added to cancer cells in the laboratory
    can make them function like normal cells.


    EFAs, DGLA, cLA and GLA



    The Pump and the Alcohol Converter

    Limited amounts of DGLA, the EFA from which PGE1 is made, is found in
    most cells of the body and PGE1 is produced from it by two main steps:

    1)  The DGLA has to be removed from storage in a free form, and,

    2)  The free DGLA has to be converted into PGE1….”

    Following published research by Dr. Joe Abdulla of Guy’s Hospital,
    London, on the formation of PGE1 by platelets taken from patients with
    various forms of mental illness, Dr. Horrobin (noting similarities
    between mania and early stages of alcohol intoxication) studied the
    effects of alcohol on platelets.  Independently, Dr. John Rotrosen
    of NYU’s Dept. of Psychiatry and the Veteran’s Administration Center,
    did almost the same experiments.  Both experimenters concluded
    that, “alcohol at concentrations relevant to human drinking has a
    potent effect on PGE1.”

    Many of the effects of alcohol and almost all of the good ones are due
    to the increase of PGE1 formation and this can explain the behavioral
    effects of alcohol.  PGE1 has profound effects on behavior, and
    behavioral changes in animals can be blocked by preventing the alcohol
    action on PGE1.

    Facial flushing produced by alcohol has a similar effect as produced by
    PGE1.  This effect can be blocked by drugs which block PGE1
    formation.  The desirable effects of alcohol in reducing the risk
    of death to diseases of the heart and circulation are similar to
    PGE1.  Alcohol may possibly lower the risk of infections, as
    witnessed by travelers to the tropics, and by the traditional remedy of
    a hot alcoholic drink for flus or colds.  PGE1 is able to
    stimulate weakened immune systems, and to help them resist
    infections.  It is certainly not beyond the bounds of possiblity
    that alcohol, like vitamin C, which acts much the same way, could have
    a protective effect.

    With so many good actions to PGE1′s credit, how is it possible that
    something which increases the production of the prostaglandin could
    have so many bad effects?  Surely, it would seem taking more of a
    good thing should be even better, but this is not true.  For one
    thing, DGLA stores within cells are limited.  Stimulation of PGE1
    formation by alcohol cannot go on forever.  Eventually the stores
    become depleted and even if alcohol is still present, PGE1 levels will
    fall catastrophically, far below normal….

    …alcohol, beyond depleting DGLA stores, has another effect which
    compounds the damage.  There is very little DGLA in foods. 
    The exception is human milk.  Therefore, we have to make DGLA in
    our bodies from another nutrient, cis-Linoleic Acid (cLA) which is
    particularly in vegetable oils.  Most of our PGE1 is ultimately
    formed from cLA in the diet.  The cLA must first be converted to a
    substance called Gamma Linoleic Acid (GLA) itself….

    Alcohol temporarily increases PGE1 formation by stimulating its
    production from DGLA, but in the process DGLA stores are
    depleted.  In a normal person, such stores could be rapidly made
    up from the cLA in the diet.  But the person who drinks too much
    alcohol cannot do this because the conversion of cLA to GLA is blocked
    so that paradoxically, chronic overconsumption of alcohol leads to a
    chronic deficiency of PGE1.  This lack of PGE1 may then lead to an
    increased risk of heart attacks and stroke, to high blood pressure,
    reduced ability to cope with infections, to brain and nerve
    deterioration and liver damage.

    How much is “too much” varies from person to person.  Variables in
    genetic makeup and diet, as well as such factors as exposure to other
    toxins, make such an assessment unpredictable.  People starting
    out with low levels of PGE1 are most likely to quickly become
    alcoholics, but alcohol’s blocking of conversion of cLA to GLA will, at
    some point, begin to lower anyone’s PGE1 levels.


    A perfectly normal person readily able to cope with alcohol and not
    depressed before or after drinking, may become alcoholic.  His
    PGE1 levels in the absence of alcohol are normal, but gradually
    repeated drinking depletes his DGLA and simultaneously prevents its
    replenishment from cLA.  The resting level of PGE1 drops, a
    depression develops in the absence of alcohol and increasing amounts
    are required to get the PGE1 level up to normal.  Before he knows
    what he is doing, the social drinker is drifting into alcoholism. 
    He is drinking more and more of a substance which transiently and with
    increasing difficulty brings PGE1 up, but at the same time
    progressively destroys the body’s ability to make PGE1. [emphasis added]

    Dr. Horrobin’s recommended treatment for alcoholism is
    twofold:  first reducing the cravings, and then avoiding or
    reversing the damage
    from the lack of PGE1.  He does not address a way to reduce
    cravings.  Many doctors do it with toxic drugs such as
    antidepressants.  We do it with orthomolecular supplements of
    amino acids, vitamins and minerals.  We also follow Dr.
    Horrobin’s recommendation for increasing PGE1:  evening primrose
    oil for GLA, with cofactors B6, B3, pyridoxine, niacin, zinc, magnesium,
    and vitamin C.

    With other drugs besides alcohol, other prostaglandins are
    involved.  However, in any addiction, even those to activities and
    processes as opposed to substances, there are similar biochemical
    cycles:  the addiction stimulates some beneficial effect while
    at the same time depleting the chemistry involved in making that
    happen.  Here is the way nutramed.com describes some common food
    addictions:

    We notice similar patterns of addictive behavior with food, alcohol and
    drugs. Alcoholics and drug abusers frequently have atrocious dietary
    habits. So many of them grew up dysphoric with bad chemicals in their
    food and environment. These addicts often report they first felt well
    when they had their first drink or injected the initial dose of heroin.
    Opiates, like other molecules, are effective but temporary remedies for
    dysfunctional body-mind states. The drive to maintain an opiate level
    is less to “get high” and more to feel “normal” and mostly to avoid the
    terrible experience of withdrawal.

    The digestion of food proteins may produce substances having opiate or
    narcotic properties. There are also a large number of regulatory
    peptides feeding back to brain control centers to form the brain-gut
    axis. A stop signal to the brain when enough food is eaten would be
    important for appetite control and may be defective in compulsive
    eaters.


    Exorphins

    Pieces of milk and wheat proteins (peptides) can act like the body’s
    own narcotics, the endorphins, and were described by Zioudro, Streaty
    and Klee as “exorphins” in 1979. Other food proteins, such as gluten,
    results in the production of substances having opiate- (narcotic) like
    activity. These substances have been termed “exorphins.” Hydrolyzed
    wheat gluten, for example, was found to prolong intestinal transit time
    and this effect was reversed by concomitant administration of naloxone,
    a narcotic-blocking drug. Digests of milk proteins also are opioid
    peptides. The brain effects of exorphins may contribute to the mental
    disturbances and appetite disorders which routinely accompany
    food-related illness. The possibility that exorphins are addictive in
    some people is a fascinating lead which needs further exploration.

    Another mechanism, similar to dependency on food-derived neuroactive
    peptides such as exorphins, would be a dependency on gastrointestinal
    peptides, released from the bowel during digestion. Deficiencies in the
    bowel production of regulatory addictive peptides, such as endorphins,
    would likely be associated with cravings and compulsions to increase
    food ingestion. There are a large number of gut-regulatory peptides
    feeding back to brain control centers to form the brain-gut axis. The
    information flow between the gut and brain is likely critical in
    regulating feeding behaviors.

    Eugenio Paroli reviewed the peptide research, especially the link
    between food and schizophrenia. He suggested: “The discovery that
    opioid peptides are released by the digestion of certain food has
    followed a line of research that assumes pathogenic connections between
    schizophrenic psychosis and diet.”

    Milk and wheat proteins have been studied and shown to yield active
    peptides. These substances may be numerous in the digestive tract after
    a meal and several effects could occur in sequence. The absorption of
    larger peptides may be irregular, with variation in symptom production
    after meals, making the interpretation of milk and wheat disease
    difficult. Other foods are likely to yield similar peptides.

    From our basic understanding of protein digestion, we should predict
    that there will be regular traffic of peptide information passing from
    food digests into the body. Ingestion of normal food may result in
    information-molecules streaming into our bloodstream from stomach or
    small intestine with all the impact of narcotic drugs! A “Gluten
    Stimulatory Peptide” is also described with narcotic (opiate)
    antagonist properties. It has been suggested that gluten hydrolysates,
    digests of wheat protein, have mixed opiate agonist-antagonist activity
    and, like two drugs with mixed narcotic activating and blocking actions
    (nalorphine and cyclazocine), produce dysphoria and even psychotic
    symptoms. Loukas and colleagues have derived the structure of cow’s
    milk-derived exorphins: Opioid activities and structures of
    casein-derived exorphins. These two peptides carry information by
    finding and binding to brain receptors which ordinarily respond to
    endorphins. The message is go to sleep, feel bad, but go back for more.

        Arg-Tyr-Leu-Gly-Tyr-Leu-Glu (exorphin, digested from alpha casein)

        Tyr-Pro-Phe-Pro-Gly (exorphin, digested from beta casein)


    Chocolate

    Chocolate is an interesting psychoactive food. Chocolate and romance
    have been inseparable. Chocolate artistry is one of the truly admirable
    pursuits in food preparation. If nature had been more kindly disposed
    to us, chocolate confections would be an authentic pleasure, free of
    any penalty. Chocolate begins as the cacao bean of South American
    origin. The botanical name, Cacao Theobroma, means “food of the Gods”.
    One of the medically useful methylxanthine drugs, theobromine, is found
    in chocolate as well as coffee and tea. Theobromine is related to
    caffeine and is useful as a treatment of asthma.

    The cacao tree produces melon-sized pods full of beans. The pod is
    split and the beans removed and fermented until they turn the
    characteristic deep brown color. Dried beans are then roasted and
    processed by grinding and heating. The powdered fraction is the water
    soluble cocoa powder. The bean fat is separated as cocoa butter.
    Chocolate candies are all based on some combination of cocoa powder,
    cocoa butter, milk, sugar, and diverse other ingredients. Drugs in the
    cocoa powder make chocolate addicting. Chocolate enthusiasts often
    admit they are addicts and find it difficult to resist cravings and
    binge with unpleasant consequences. Chocolate confections are complex
    mixtures of milk, sugars, nuts, flavors, including cinnamon and other
    spices; they present drug and allergenic effects simultaneously. Post
    chocolate symptoms include anxiety, migraine headaches, abdominal pain,
    joint pain, mental agitation and depression. Chocolate addiction is
    more socially acceptable than it is healthy. Some chocolate eaters
    become quite ill and quite obese.

    Women often report chocolate cravings in the premenstrual week.
    Chocolate also serves as a surrogate for companionship or affection.
    The addictive molecules in chocolate include caffeine and another
    speed-like drug, phenyethylamine (PEA). PEA is related to our own
    catecholamine neurotransmitters and their amino acid precursors,
    tyrosine and phenylalanine. PEA has arousal properties similar to
    catecholamines and may be one of the pleasure substances in the brain.
    PEA has been called the “love drug”. Most PEA absorbed from the bowel
    is destroyed in the blood or liver by the enzyme MAO-B.


    Coffee and Tea

    Coffee makes us speedy, irritable, sleepless, and often causes
    heartburn or ulcers. The removal of caffeine is supposed to reduce some
    of these undesirable effects. Coffee is an addicting beverage. If you
    consume more than 2 cups per day, you are likely to experience
    unpleasant withdrawal if you stop. The minimal suffering includes a
    headache, irritability, and fatigue. The popular idea that the bad
    effects of coffee are caused by one chemical, caffeine, is misleading.
    The 500 or so other chemicals in coffee include aromatic or phenolic
    chemicals and many are probably neurotoxic; other chemicals are
    allergenic. Coffee is also a crop with high pesticide residues. Coffee
    is definitely allergenic and makes some people obviously sick.
    Chlorogenic acid is one of the allergens which coffee shares with
    oranges.

    Black Tea and coffee have much in common, although they different plant
    products from different geographic zones. Tea contains caffeine and
    other members of the drug family, methylxanthines. Tea also contains
    tannin, a good tanning agent. The caffeine dose in a cup of coffee
    ranges from 100 to 160 mg. A cup of tea has 20-60 mg per cup and 12
    ounces of regular Coca Cola has 45 mg of caffeine. The symptom complex
    produced by tea parallels coffee, although overall, tea is milder and
    better tolerated. Green teas are the mildest of the caffeine drinks and
    have beneficial phytochemicals which make their use more attractive.

    Daily coffee ingestion induces a 24 hour cyclic disturbance with
    morning arousal, irritability, difficulty concentrating, subtle levels
    of disorganization, clumsiness, and forgetfulness. As the day
    progresses, 3 or more cups later, a heavy fatigue sets in by mid to
    late afternoon. Further coffee doses may rouse one a bit, but then
    further collapse is inevitable by evening. Irritability may evolve into
    disproportionate or inappropriate angry outbursts, pleasure-loss,
    absence of good-feelings, or empathy anesthesia.

     It is likely that the subtle pyschopathology of moderate to heavy
    coffee consumption contributes to the production of unnecessary
    conflict and dysphoria. The subtle cognitive and memory deficits which
    appear after coffee intake should alarm employers who expect their
    employees to think, remember, or carry out skilled, coordinated acts.
    It may be that coffee facilitates dull, routine, rote tasks where
    thinking, skill and initiative are unimportant.

    Under the circumstances, knowing what I know of addiction from
    firsthand experience and the shared experiences of other addicts, as
    well as from biochemical research, I would never recommend even
    moderate consumption of addictive poisons.  I have noticed that
    most if not all of the people who do recommend such moderate
    consumption have an axe to grind, usually the defense of their own
    addiction, which they are reluctant to relinquish.  It saddens me
    that many of those I witness doing such defending are educated and
    aware addicts who go way out of their way to avoid illicit drugs but
    will not consider what the legal drugs they’ve substituted are doing to
    their biochemistry and their health.  Far too many of them and of
    other Americans are morbidly obese from their addictions to
    foods.  Thus they make of their abstinence and recovery a
    difficult white-knuckle experience, filled with temptations and
    cravings.  There are many far
    healthier and longer-lasting ways to stimulate the production of
    beneficial biochemicals
    such as PGE1 and the pleasure neurotransmitters such as dopamine.

    “The only way to keep from returning to active addiction is not to take
    that first drug.”

     

Comments (9)

  • Thank-you for the indepth analysis of addictive substances. You covered the range pretty well. My starbucks addiction or does seem just that- addiction. I use to drink a lot different herbal teas along with copious amounts of regular tea. Then I switched, recently, to diet coke. I tell myself I need my espresso because I work a lot of different shifts and my sleep patterns are out of whack. However, you have given me (pun not intended) a lot of food for thought. Being menopausal, I have tried the different vitamins and the primrose oil products. I never thought to use them to help with other issues.

    Namaste and blessings

  • I had to snicker at the part about apologizing for overestimating someone’s intelligence. 

    It makes sense now why I go so very nuts for chocolate.  I know I’m an easy target for addictions, and for the most part have managed to keep them in check, but that’s the one I let run wild from time to time.  Not healthy, I know, but that’s the choice I make.

    I consider myself among the luckiest alcoholics alive.  I know I’m an addict because if I have the tiniest bit too much alcohol, or if I drink more than once in a blue moon, I start having physical cravings for it.  So I suppose it’s possible to control the addiction if it’s never gotten its claws totally into you and never ruled your life, but it’s a matter of constant awareness of one’s physical and emotional state.

  • That. was.. fascinating. As usual, of course
    You’ve definitely given me a few things to think about. The coffee was a given - however it helps my asthma I suspect I no longer need that particular drug…or at least as much as I used to. But the peptides & exorphins & all that about the PG – that really starts to ring some bells in my mucked up health.

    Where do you find all this information? I can’t decide if I’m just really bad at searching, or just too impatient to look harder.

  • very interesting…

    I was always told that tea contained more caffiene then coffee, but I see you’ve done your homework on this matter.  I’m not a huge chocolate fan, although I have a craving or two now and then…I tend to crave salt more when it’s “that time”

  • Wow.  Okay, said it before–just great.  I had to work at keeping from laughing out loud in the library several times through the “lite” part.

    Once more I am reminded what a privilege it is to be associated with you.

    And in case you didn’t catch my phone messages (goddamn mfing Cellular One), my phone rang to tell me I had a message, I accessed the message center and it told me I didn’t have any messages, altho I have that little envelope symbol on the screen.  Dammit, dammit, dammit.  Sigh. (catches breath, deethes breaply)

  • I couldn’t read all of this for I am tired, but the last phrase says it all. As we alkies say, “We are just one drink away from a drunk.”

    In The Hour House where they helped me save my life, they talked about a rehab in the east for youngsters that absolutely banned chocolate in any form. They contended it was as addictive as alchohol. I have never been that crazy about it. I am mindless with salty things, tho, like nuts and potato chips so I avoid them and eat pretzels for they are not easily gulped. The alkies I know are all obsessional about something (s). To know yourself and not lie to yourself is my key to my being clean and sober for …. hey, next year is the 20th if I get there without a drink!! I quit smoking in ’85 and Bern died in ’97 so I started smoking again and like liquor, it was as if I had never stopped. It was hell getting off them. It took all year and everything from hypnosis ($150) to pills ($80 a bottle) to the chewing gum. Nothing worked. One day I realized I was going back to England the last of November so I made a pact with myself that October the 31rst would be the last day I smoked. It worked where all the exterior things failed. I think this is why AA works for me. No magic pill, just do it.

  • I get caught on the tangents.  I must confess a bit of curiosity about Doug.  I’ve read a lot of your past but somehow I missed where and when he arrived.  I know that he lives with you now, but no real clue as to what he does.  He’s like a walking subject but one that I haven’t sat down and learned about.  I’m nosey but your life, your story, all that wisdom…is far more addictive than chocolate.

  • Hi again.  Forgot the cell, was gonna call you from Freddy’s. 

    Been trying to find out about my fancy Harold’s belt, no luck with yahoo search.  WIll google at lib if I think of it.

    Better weather, I hope to open up today, woo hoo!

    Take care, talk to you later.

  • you ready?  suuuuuuuuuure you are. 

    1) “If anyone wants to commisserate with me or offer me well-meant suggestions on how they deal with fatigue, please spare me unless you yourself have ME/CFIDS (myalgic encephalomyelopathy / chronic fatigue immunodysfunction syndrome) or have a degree and a specialty in a related field.”
    o_o  gawd you’re bossy.  humph!!!

    2) “…the rodent running across my pillow and through my hair.”
    jeeeezuz!  gahhhhh!  shit!  blaugh!  ew ew ew.  [there ends my girlyness for this blog]

    3) “or one who is addicted to sex, gambling, soap operas or the internet.”
    addicted? internet?  noooooo…not me.

    4) “Chocolate and romance have been inseparable…”
    it’s even more fun to throw in a little whipped cream while you’re at it.  or so i’ve heard. 

    not long winded.  neither droll nor dry.  this was all very interesting, kathy.  and i appreciate the work you put into it.

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