April 17, 2003
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The biomass has hit the roto-impeller.
I’d been so rapt up in my own concerns I must have missed the impact.
I was ranting to Doug this morning after a defensive email from the professional defensive people in Newman’s Own customer service department. (Reminds me of a George Carlin rant on “service”.) A jar of their salsa, the first of theirs that I’d tried, was awful. Tasted to me more like ketchup than salsa, more sweet than spicy.
I kvetch whenever I’m not satisfied with what I buy. Knowing that any normal customer service rep would ask for it, I looked for the usual, expected, stamped code with the sell-by date, lot number, etc. and there was none. Neither Doug nor Greyfox could find one, either. In addition to complaining of the taste, I complained of the lack of freshness info. Today’s email addressed that. I suppose some other defensive lackey will address the flavor issue.
The email I got back said their salsa has an infinite shelf life… no kidding. It will keep forever, they say, as long as the safety seal hasn’t popped, and for FIVE DAYS after it is opened. It has been open in my fridge for a couple of weeks. Since no one will eat it, this indestructable stuff has turned to garbage while I wasn’t looking.
My acerbic rant caromed around a bit and then zeroed in on that “infinite shelf-life” bit. I said it was too bad the stuff was so crappy-tasting, because with that shelf life, if it were edible we could stow a bunch of it away for when the shit hit the fan, instead of all the nitrogen-packed seeds and grains and stuff that only keep for ten to fifteen years.
As usual when I rant at him, Doug’s eyes glazed over at some point… but it wasn’t the usual blank stare I was getting. He was obviously harboring a comical thought in there so I told him to spill it.
He looked at me (seeing all the little brown spots, my freckles), looked around, sniffed, grinned even wider, and said, You mean you haven’t noticed those flecks flying through the air? The biomass hit the roto-impeller some while ago.”
It’s just an ordinary morning here. Greyfox won’t be up before noon, probably, another four hours. Doug got up around seven yesterday evening, in time to watch The Chamber of Secrets (review to follow sometime soon, maybe), so he’s got enough time and energy left to do some dishes before he crawls in the sack. Getting him on task with dishes became my main objective when I got up around 6AM.
One of my jobs around here is pointing out the chores being neglected by the rest of the family. When I took my coffee out of the microwave, its pleasant aroma was mixed with the less than pleasant mingled fragrances of rotting food spills. Since Doug was soon to have a sinkful of clean soapy water to work with, I wrinkled my nose, went “eeew” and said, “that needs cleaning.”
He stuck his head in, pulled it out with a smirk and replied, “…smells like coffee to me.”
I agreed that the coffee did improve the smell but that the microwave, “needs more than a deodorizer.”
He paused a moment in thought, then broke out in laughter. When it died down, he said he’d gotten the image of a little paper pine tree hanging in there. Then we both laughed.
I turned to the keyboard here, while he moved the warm water from the woodstove to the kitchen range to get hot enough for dishwashing. [Yeah, if you're new here, you may not know that we don't have running water. We will go to the spring to refill the buckets and jugs this evening when Doug awakens, before I go to bed... or we will do it the next morning, but that's problematic because there is another role-play/writing, survivor-style tournament starting very early tomorrow morning. Doug AND this computer will be occupied for however long it takes. He's good, so he might make it to the finals again. That could take weeks.]
He was reading over my shoulder, fiddling with the packing material in a little box on my worktable, when I looked up and saw this looking back at me:
Except for the eyebrows, it’s Doug’s usual dishwashing get-up: bandana to keep his hair out of his eyes and wireless headphones to keep everything but his music out of his ears. He whistles, hums, dances around and sometimes sings, though he inherited my tin ear and tunelessness. We’re dancers in this family–dancers and drummers, great rhythm and no pitch at all.
Update: 1 PM
I won! I had tried early this morning to get Doug to commit to a water run after dishes and before he went to bed, but he said no. The dishes went fast and we both felt like getting out of the house, so we now have a full load of water, won’t need to go to the spring, possibly, until after that tournament.
Oh, and the microwave is all sparkly and sweet-smelling inside.
Comments (10)
LMAO! Oh man, you guys are a trip… I’ve got the image of that little pine tree swinging in the microwave.
you could’ve sent the salsa to me…it’s my favorite. I won’t try to defend it, I just like it.
hehe. I wonder if pine tree air fresheners could be hung in rooms to improve the flow of chi? or if it would just be a car-like smell everwhere?
You know what? You are a wonderful, crazy, interesting, honest person. Thanks for your e-mail. Thanks so much. I will be replying tomorrow. And this little entry was great. Kind of reminds me of my family dynamic, and though we DO have running water, it smells, it’s gross, and it only runs when it feels like it. And one other thing. The profile pic you put up looks eerily, and I do mean EERILY, like my own mother. I will have to send you a pic in my e-mail to you to show you what I mean.
HA! Doug looks hilarious with those peanut eyebrows!
No really…..He looks great. I hadn’t realized that he’d grown his hair so long. I like it when guys go with long hair.
Oh btw….now that you mention it I do remember the conversation at the Sunshine?….Sunrise?….now I can’t remember. You know… the restauraunt we had breakfast at.
Anyway. There’s no doubt that I see it now.
Alex walked by the computer last night (I was here to post this comment then but it didn’t let me) while I was reading your site. He stops behind me……
Mom…why does Kathy have a picture of you in her profile?
HA! That’s not me, it’s Kathy.
NO WAY!
Yep! That’s my mama!
Cassie….Come check this out!
Cassie says…..”Why does Kathy have a picture of you in HER box up there. Isn’t that supposed to be for HER?
HA!
That’s not me, it’s Kathy.
REALLY? Are you sure?
They got a real kick out of this.
LOL!! Great salsa story. Funny, I’ve never tried that Newman brand myself, though I guess I’d be leery now!……
Yeah, cleaning out that microwave….I can relate!
Great photo of Doug there in his “dishwashing” get-up! I hope he does well in the tournament…..
Happr Easter, SuSu! Talk to you later…..
Ho, ho. Time to take a shower, the rain is warm.
Ye are a rugged people. I believe that particular Salsa is supposed to serve two purposes, you eat what you can of it and after five days put the remainder outside to keep the bears away.
Only a roadrunner like me eats that health food stuff.
Sounds like you were ambitious.
Sounds like you guys have been having to much fun. As for the salsa, I think I’d carefully take it out side and give it a decent barriel. Shelf life infenit, right. I’m sorry that I haven’t been around for a while. I was trying to think who has’nt visited me, and who I had’nt visited for a while. It then stuck me SuSu. I’ll try to come back more often, I promise
I bet its getting beautiful up there right now. You take care, and maybe you could put some pics of what its like up there in the spring. Marvin
Hey I like your new site. It is really neat. I also have coyoty medicen in me. I will come back to it again and look at it and read more. Best wishes on the new site.