November 24, 2010
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Gratitude and Forgiveness
Thanksgiving is not, for me, a special occasion of thankfulness. Every day, I cultivate an attitude of gratitude. If you are impelled by that statement to admire me for my spirituality or condemn me for what you perceive as self-righteousness or pretentiousness, okay. What you think of me is none of my business. If you wish me ill, I forgive you. If you wish me well, I appreciate it. For me, gratitude and forgiveness are just two sides of the same choice, the choice to love and be happy, and that is a win-win situation.
There is as much selfishness as anything in this attitude. I wasn’t taught gratitude or forgiveness by my family or culture as a child. Slogans I learned included, “Don’t get mad; get even.” I was also exposed to the slogan, “Forgive and forget,” but it was not reinforced by example. My transgressions were not forgiven nor forgotten by my parents, my teachers, the criminal justice system, or my so-called friends. Upon reflection, I think forgiving and forgetting is a stupid idea, anyhow. I’d much rather forgive and remember. I’d rather not digress into an explanation of that, but you are welcome to let me know if you’d like to hear my rationale.
I learned to forgive, quickly and gratefully, those who hurt me, because not forgiving would just compound the hurt for me. And, just in case there’s any confusion here, that, “gratefully” doesn’t mean I’m grateful for being hurt. I’m grateful for the lessons that taught me forgiveness and the sweet relief I feel each time I forgive. I didn’t learn those lessons easily. I was hardheadedly attached to my righteous indignation for most of my life.
I had to have it spelled out for me, put into terms I could understand. One of the most eloquent descriptions of resentment I ever heard was that it is like taking poison and hoping that the other guy dies. Holding grudges was likened to trying to swim with an armful of rocks. I listened to such things through numerous repetitions before I was willing to give it a try. Like I said, I was really attached to my righteous indignation. I had been hurt, and dammit, I was determined to resent it.
Then, after being bombarded with truth and wisdom over and over, I gave up, let go. I chose love. I’m thankful for that, thankful to all the people who made the effort to share their experience, forgiveness, hope and love with me, even when I was so unwilling to hear and heed it.
Comments (9)
And Happy Thanksgiving to you, too!
You truly understand, thank you
Well said.
I also like the saying that having anger, grudges, resentment–
is like peeing down your own pants leg–it bothers you more than anyone else.
As a kid in Iowa a million years ago, had itchy snow pants and if I played breaking ice or took too much time getting home to go potty, those wet itchy snow pants really chapped inner thighs in a big hurry. I remember putting stuff on them wasn’t too good a feeling either.
If it took going “there” to get “here”, for me, it was worth it.
@CharlotteColors - ”…like peeing down your own pants leg,” yes, that’s a good one.
Attitude of gratitude. I like. It rhymes. That was what actually caught my attention, at least initially.
I’m not huge into forgiving big transgressions. Really big transgressions… but most anything else, I can forgive. I will not, however, forget. I don’t trust people near enough to forget transgressions.
There are some things I’m not willing to let go of and not willing to forgive. I don’t think they do me much harm. I keep them locked away and don’t bother with them but maybe once a year. I suppose I could be better off letting it loose… but I’m not there yet. Righteous indignation? Yeah. I guess so.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Wise words about forgiveness.
Thank you. Very well stated.
I try to Forgive and Remember.
In affairs of the heart, the strength to forgive (her strength) has served me well.
Better than I deserved.
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