December 31, 2009
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Resolutions: the Tradition
I do not do New Year’s resolutions. It has been about 40 years, near as I can recall, since I stopped.
I grew up in the tradition, in my family as well as school and the larger culture. I remember being encouraged to write down a list of deeds and behaviors that I would resolve to either do or not do as I “turned over the new leaf” of a different year. Coached by my mother, I resolved not to talk back or tell lies. I resolved to write thank you notes for my Xmas presents and to send birthday cards to aunts and uncles. These are the resolutions I recall, and I know there were many others, presumably none of which I kept for very long or with much consistency.
If any of my subsequent changes in behavior originated as New Year’s resolutions, I don’t recall which they might have been. By my mid-twenties, I had realized that these lists were futile in terms of motivation to change. Observing my fellow humans, I concluded that putting off, for example, quitting some addiction or achieving a desired goal, for the beginning of a new year, was counterproductive. When I decide to do something, or see something that needs to be done, I simply do it as soon as I can.
I have been informed of the supposed reasoning behind resolutions, that a fresh new year gives added impetus to a fresh start in one’s personal life. Nonsense, I say. No, that’s not true. What I really say is bullshit. There is no inherent magic in the transition from Thursday to Friday that can help us do things we don’t want to do. Today is the last day of 2009 according to a calendar that is an entirely artificial device. Tomorrow starts a new calendar year — but not, by the way, a new decade as many people seem to believe. The calendar had no year zero; decades, centuries, millennia, etc., begin with “1″.
But I digress, and since it is such a useful device in storytelling, I will not resolve to quit. Even if I did resolve to quit, that would be no indication of an intention or motivation to quit. That’s what I mean about formal seasonal resolutions being counterproductive. When a person becomes motivated to do something,. or forms a real clear intention to do it, he or she just does it. If one, rather, tells oneself, “Next New Years, I’ll resolve to do that,” in effect, one is saying he or she feels obligated to do it or thinks it is a worthwhile thing to do, but will not do it. The promise to resolve to do it “next year” is just an excuse not to do it now.
People who take their resolutions seriously have a further layer of counterproductivity to deal with and live down: Emotions such as fear of failure and guilt over non-performance are toxic to self-esteem. The cycle of putting off an important change for a new year because one is unmotivated to do it immediately, promising to do it, and failing to do it because one never intended to do it in the first place, is a soul-killing pattern.
If you absolutely must make any resolutions this year, resolve to stop making resolutions. It might not be any more effective than your other resolutions, but it will set up an interesting illogical resonance for your entertainment.
Comments (12)
I agree with you; it’s just a setup for beating one’s self up in failure. I have hopes for the new year.
BRILLIANT!
Excellent, I totally agree. Even those who are saying that “next year” will be better are starting to get on my nerves. I can’t see tomorrow being any different for me than today was.
Happy New Year Kathy—allow me to just say I learned a lot from you.
Thank you for being you…..
Dessa
i haven’t “done” resolutions in years but i’m sure you’re not surprised by that at all. :]
happy blue moon new year, kathy.
from your kansas [and very absent of late] friend.
m
Quite right !
@LuckyStars - Wow, Lucky, I’ve been so absent that I was not aware that you have been absent, too. Maybe we’ve been together in spirit.
This was right on. Each year, the day after New Years, I go to the gym and much to my discomfort, it will be filled, wall to wall, with people trying their best to stick to their New Year’s resolutions. That leaves me standing, waiting in line to use the equipment. At first this annoyed me, but I realized early on that in no time at (usually two weeks) the lines would dwindle, as would the resolution upholder’s will to continue. When you are ready for a change, you will change, No magic number or artificial will neccessary.Take care Kathy.
The best kind of resolutions are the ones you make every day rather than once a year.
You resolve NOT to resolve!!
I guess that I can go along with that one!!
*snort* I remember why somehow you disappeared from my blog…. bah, not why but how empty it was. Hear, hear! You are so right. Until we determine to change, we will not change regardless of what time of year it is.
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