January 11, 2009
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Cheering Myself Up
I knew when I woke up today I was depressed. My malaise was so deep, I did a sort of systems check to find out where all the gloom was coming from. It’s true depression, the real stuff, brain chemistry and not emotional sadness or despair in reaction to events. That makes a lot of sense. It’s seasonal affective disorder, AKA cabin fever.
It was snowing the last time I went anywhere, a trip to the grocery store, on December 23. I have been cooped up in here for nineteen days. On my one five-minute trip out to the yard this week to flip a light switch and pick up wood chips, the cold air filled my lungs with fluid and I spent most of that night working to breathe. I haven’t had adequate sleep for two weeks. Chronic fatigue makes me tired all the time, and now I’m sleepy on top of it.
I haven’t mentioned the pain for a while, have I? It’s there, all the time. As I have said many times, pain is the easiest symptom of M.E. for me to deal with. It is really no big deal as long as I have my wits about me and remember to switch it off. Lately, I forget that I know how to do that sometimes, and forget to take my vitamins, forget to eat….
I don’t think the retrograde Mercury is helping me any, either. It has just occurred to me to check the ephemeris to see if the station is aspecting the intensity pattern in my chart. BRB… It isn’t, just off by a few degrees, but it’s opposite my Vertex and trine natal Moon.
While I was on that page I noticed that the Saturn retrograde station at the end of last month was conjunct my natal Sun/Chiron conjunction, which puts it in a square aspect to my natal Ascendant and thoroughly entangled in that intensity net. In May, Saturn goes direct conjunct my natal Jupiter and Ceres, square natal Uranus, and ten days later Neptune’s retrograde station is in the pattern. Uranus is also in the pattern at the same time, and then Uranus goes retro in the pattern and both of them hang out there for months, even after they go direct in November and December.
This is shaping up into an interesting year. I’m so glad I enjoy intensity.
BTW, the warmth promised in yesterday’s forecast hasn’t been delivered. It is -26.4°F now. They’re saying it will be 3°F above zero for today’s high, and the same for tomorrow’s low. They’re saying snow and 8°F tomorrow night, with a chance of snow tonight and Tuesday. I wonder what the weather will be like, really.
Comments (9)
sing a song with made up words about yourself. ha I find it turns weird but amusing.
Hugs cheer up I love your blog!
That is cold! I think I would feel gloomy too under those conditions.
@Ikwa - I am all cheered up. That depression this morning didn’t last long.
We’re having a small warm-up here. Today it went up to -10, and the birds and squirrels were out flitting around so we fed them and left out a little extra that they’ll take back to their winter hideaways. Once again, I booted out The Child, who is becoming extremely energetic now that the days are a bit longer. I was locked out yesterday afternoon and I noted while I was waiting for The Two Ronnies to come home that it was past 4.30 and the sky was just starting to get pinkish. Today its overcast, odd for a place that is as dry as a popcorn fart, but I’m enjoying it because humidity means that it’s warmed up:)
about the weather forecasters…they are always to be taken with a grain (or a large lump) of salt.
i’m of the opinion that the first weatherman i’ll take at his word is the first one to announce, “i quit because i forecast the lottery numbers.” there are far fewer variables in numbers than there are in the weather, so why can’t they do that?
@SuSu - good. I have so many friends telling me the same. it helps me to cheer up others. we all have those days!
There’s a song. The lyrics go like this: “If I had words I’d sing a day for you. I’d give you a morning golden and new. I would make this day last for all time. And give you a moon deep in moon shine.” Hopefully this will give you an anti-cabin fever visual to enjoy next time it hits. (pats heart and points to you)
Cabin fever is hard to deal with especially when you can’t get out due to the weather. Sending good thoughts and warmth.