May 31, 2008
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Everybody is special, right?
Really, now… if everyone is special, then no one is special.
That thought occurred to me recently when I happened upon this “old” saying –
Arguing on the internet is like competing in the Special Olympics: even if you win, you’re still retarded.Someone had brought it up in reference to one of the flame wars underway on Xanga. It’s politically incorrect, possibly offensive in several different ways, and I disagree with it strongly because I think argument and debate are essential in any society, perhaps especially on the internet. But that’s beside the point… my current point.
I got to thinking about “special” things. When I was a kid in kindergarten, my teacher would stick stars on our foreheads for special achievements. Gold stars were for answering questions correctly and following directions. Red stars were for misbehaving: getting out of your seat, talking out of turn, etc. Green stars… well, it was never really clear to me back then what one had to do to earn a green star.
My friend Donald got a green star one day when he cried because I got a gold star. I remember getting lots of gold stars and some red stars, but I don’t think I ever got a green one. That bothered me, because green was my favorite color. I tried once to trade in my gold for green, but the teacher said that was against the rules. Maybe if kindergarten had lasted longer, or if I had paid closer attention, I would have figured it out and gotten some green stars, too.
In higher grades, stars came in either gold or silver, and there were no “consolation prize” stars. But that was back around the middle of the previous century. At some point after I got out of school, somebody noticed that not getting awards for excellence could be hard on some people’s self esteem. Around that same time, we started hearing terms such as “differently abled.”
Just so you’ll know, I’m a crip. I was gimpy as a child, and age hasn’t made it any easier to get around and do things. I’m not proud of being disabled, but I’m not ashamed of it, either. That my disability is not immediately obvious does complicate matters. If I’m asked to do things that are beyond my ability, I explain why I’m refusing. I may sometimes feel a bit frustrated and left out, but it doesn’t hurt my self esteem. I compensate for my limitations by trying to excel at the things I can do.
That’s what Special Olympians do, too. I’ve met a few of them, and I have watched some of that competition. One reason it is such fun to watch is that most of them are obviously having fun doing it. I don’t know how much importance the Olympians themselves attach to that “Special” label, but it does annoy me sometimes to see and hear the condescension from some organizers and able “helpers.”
I also feel a little creepy thinking about the origins of that brand of ‘”special.” For at least 35 years, the term “special needs children” has been used as an umbrella label in the education, adoption, and social services fields, for children with disabilities. Somewhere along the line, especially in the adoption field, they began being called simply, “specials,” like the special of the day, 50% off, closeout special.
As Dana Carvey says, “Well isn’t that special?!
Comments (25)
I’ve always believed that everyone has something “special” about them. Be it a certain talent or whatever. I do not believe that one person is more special than another. I think everyone is special in their own way. Who they are and that one “special” quality is what makes them that way.
oh, Dana Carvey — wonderful
I don’t know we are all different from each other.
I was a volunteer for the Special Olympic’s Area Meet here on the coast for about 20 years. I was the lady who gave the medals so I was very popular. haha Each year many of the returning Olympians treated our time together as a reunion. It was special. The Olympians are glad to be able to go and do just like anyone would. A challenge. A goal. And finishing was the special part in their day. It may just be that we as a society get caught up in words rather than personal achievement. No matter what, it was a special day for me.
@Blue_ButterflyBaby -
A thesaurus lists individual, particular and specific as synonyms for “special.” Common usage tends toward “extraordinary,” when referring to special people. Some people are certainly more individual than others, standing out in a crowd. The opposite of a special person would be a common or normal one, I suppose. Most, but not all people, would fit that designation.
@relaxolgy -
Different, yes… in varying degrees. All “special”, not necessarily.
When effective, meaningful words become devalued through usage, it becomes necessary to make up new words or change the meaning of an old one to replace the one that has been distorted. What’s the new “special”? “Excellent” seems to be in the running. I wonder what it will mean fifty years from now.
“challenged” – isn’t that a new wat of saying special?
I’m visually challenged, due to macula degeneration (not age related) – so i’m a lousy subscriber since I read really slow andprefer short posts. just fyi
In my opinion, which is worth about zilch…I think there are too many labels put on children these days. Even the term special has got out of hand. I tutor a “special” child and he is always asking me “what will I give him if he does his math problem.” Some kids just want rewards for just about anything and everything they do. Just drives me crazy.
Good post.
A noble enough idea in theory: that is to relabel offensive terms with
inoffensive words, so as not to hurt feelings. Many crippled people may take no
offense at the term “cripple” but many others do. The problem is that this leads
to and endless progression of euphemisms such as “negro” to “nigger” to “black” to “African American” to god knows what, “cripple” becomes “disabled”, “handicapped” or “special”. Another few years and all those terms will be regarded as grossly offensive and will be replaced with some new euphemism.
People who are not disabled, or do not belong to a racial minority on the other hand don’t need a new euphemism every decade however. The reason is that they are seen as “normal”. We need to change our perception of what it means to be “normal” and the need for euphemism will disappear.
In any case, I prefer to avoid euphemism except for those terms which have become simply too offensive to bear. Otherwise I prefer to call a spade a damned spade.
In any case, we may not all be crippled, but we all deviate from the norm in some way or the other.
Everybody is special and deserves a gold star.
@loveandpolitics - You make an excellent point about euphemisms becoming as offensive as the terms they replace.
Everyone deviates, yes, and some more than others. By definition, the more one deviates, the more “special” or individual or particular or specific or extraordinary he becomes.
@LifeNeedsProtection - Maybe I’m odd, but for me (and my son, too — we have discussed this) learning is its own reward. Neurochemists have discovered that mammalian brains (normal brains, anyway) secrete dopamine, the pleasure chemical, each time we learn something new. it has been speculated that brains of those with high IQ secrete more of it. If someone doesn’t get enough dopamine to stimulate a desire for learning, I guess maybe giving him a peanut or a gold star might be better than leaving him ignorant. Does that make any sense? I don’t know.
@relaxolgy - I think that “challenged” was a trendy way, some time ago, to say “handicapped” or “disabled”, but I don’t know if it came along before or after “special”, so I can’t say how “new” it is. “Challenged” is, I think, more accurate and less hypocritical than “special.” At least it says something meaningful about the condition it is supposed to describe.
@BlueCollarGoddess - Since gold stars are cheap and plentiful, and everyone has something he or she can feel special about, I’ll take my gold star right on the end of my nose, please.
When Mrs. Mendelowitz used to stick a star on my forehead, it itched, and always fell off because my forehead is quite mobile. You know I have an expressive face. I started pulling the stars off before the glue had time to dry, and moved them to my nose.
see and even though I have what is technically a disability I choose to look at it as a challenge rather then a disability…while certain things I can’t do others I can do with some creative thinking on my part
@fairydragonstar - If thinking that way helps you cope, that’s fine. However, if, because some disabled people are offended by the word, “disabled” that word is replaced by “challenge”, as loveandpolitics points out, “challenge” will become an offensive word. There is a difference between a challenge and a disability. As I see it, we are challenged by our disabilities, certainly not disabled by our challenges.
I think it all comes down to why you’re being singled out as special or not. The dynamic is more important than the label itself. loveandpolitics mentions a contiuum from negro to nigger to black to African-American; this is a bit of a fallacy, because all those phrases are still in common usage, and do not communicate the same idea, in *or* out of context. Essentially: Why would you call someone a nigger versus calling them an African-American? In either circumstance you’re singling them out. The question is one of motive.
Saying someone is ‘special’ because they excel is very different from the condescension of saying someone is ‘special’ because they require assistance. Do we as a culture condescend in this way for the benefit of those with the need for assistance? Or do we do it in order to maintain the ‘special’ supremacy of the norm? As with the consolation prize green star, everyone knows what the score really is. The green star fools no one and the teacher gets to hold this power.
@SuSu - I would have to agree but then I think often times people get too caught up in labels as it is easier to label something then it is sometimes to accept things that just are
@HomerTheBrave - Hey, the green star fooled me. I think it must have fooled my friend Donald, too, because he dried his tears and wore his proudly.
“Do we as a culture condescend in this way
for the benefit of those with the need for assistance? Or do we do it
in order to maintain the ‘special’ supremacy of the norm?”
That is an excellent question. You and I agree about norms, I think. I see nothing wrong with being different. I have even, with some reluctance, come to feel a lot less animosity than I used to feel against those who labeled me. I’m still trying to learn to accept people who distort language and muddy up communication. Give me a simple, offensive, pejorative label for them, and I’ll use it proudly.
@fairydragonstar - On labels allowing people to avoid dealing with the reality on which they stick them, I think you nailed it!
@BlueCollarGoddess -
@loveandpolitics -
@LifeNeedsProtection -
@relaxolgy -
@Blue_ButterflyBaby -
Thank you for your input. I have to give up the computer now, so I’m going to bed. We can continue this discussion tomorrow. It has been enjoyable and informative. Feel free to discuss this among yourselves in my absence.
Good evening! My wife had polio when she was a child. I suffer from panic disorder and also from bipolar disorder. Neither of us feels “special.” Most of us face challenges during our lifetime. In my humble opinion, anybody who overcomes obstacles is special. I also firmly believe that coddling our youth is crippling them, because they will face competition all of their working life.
In our school system, gifted kids were in Special Education too… so we got all the same weird stigma as the special kids on the other side of normal. I’ve always been outside the norm… I have to say it’s been more and more fun over the years to find ways to use that to my advantage and greater entertainment.
WOW I read alot of your blog entries and Your words are very interesting and powerful! Your photography is amazing!! Mind if I sub you!!!! I do comment and try to blog daily (joining xanga again after 2 years of going MIA LOL, my have things changed I’m still trying to figure things out) My life is full of stuff you dont have to sub if you dont want
TTYL
those green stars are tricky–they’re nice for making someone feel as though they’re accomplished but if he or she finds out their purpose, doesn’t it run the risk of making them feel worse? as if it were a handout–a pity prize? (wow, it was hard to resist using the world “special” where i put “accomplished.” it’s as if the word is programmed in my brain–scary.)
@loveandpolitics -
“We need to change our perception of what it means to be”normal” and the need for euphemism will disappear.”
although i wish i could agree with this statement, i also must doubt it will occur. the notion of what is and isn’t considered “normal” is a matter that is subjective to individual perspective and would probably be one of the more difficult setbacks to overcome. also, in a world where political correctness seems to be a necessity more and more, i can’t foresee a time when euphemism won’t be used. but maybe this is just my cynical side showing itself.
@popuppomegranates - I don’t see euphemism going away unless a significant segment of the population (the “hundred monkeys”?) learns to transcend fear and speak their minds. It is a cause I support. If you ever find me guilty of euphemism, please slap my wrist kick my butt.
It takes some optimism to assume that humanity is on its way to becoming forthright and open-minded. There is a lot of active resistance to that. I work on myself, I speak out, and I seek out ways to encourage directness and openness from others.
You make a valid point regarding “pity prizes.” The more proudly one was received, the more painful would be the realization when the significance sank in.
@Lobos_Photos - The issue of “coddling our youth” versus preparing kids for what they face in the real world is not a simple matter. Parents can just as effectively cripple their kids emotionally by being too harsh as by being too lenient, and knowing what is “just right” for a given kid requires a deep knowledge of that individual’s personality. Parents who try to treat all their children the same can do as much harm as those who favor one over the others. In the end, I think getting a person to healthy and competent adulthood involves interaction among the parents, child, and society. Fortunately, some kids grow up okay despite their parents’ efforts and the roadblocks that society puts in their way, and some adults who grow up warped and twisted are able eventually to transcend that.
@oceanstarr - “Outside the norms” is the best definition of “special” I’ve heard. Thank you. Now, if only more people understood the meaning of “normal”….
In the school systems at the time I went through, there were no special programs for anyone. My son qualified for both Special Ed and for the Extended Learning “gifted program.” One of the things he and I notably have in common is that the bulk of our learning has always happened outside of school. When I was an inmate, I detested school. Viewing my son’s schools, I saw a combination warehouse and experimental farm. Some of his classmates did not survive the experience, others thrived, and still others are not doing so well… just like in real life.
@LifeOfaTruckersWife - Welcome back to Xanga (my hours on the Welcome Wagon have warped my mind and conditioned my fingers). I hope you don’t think you need to ask permission to subscribe. Xanga encourages subscribing and allows individuals to lock out or block anyone they don’t want. You are welcome here unless and until you become obnoxious.
If you ever do, I’ll let you know.
I agree completely. It is rude and offensive. It saddens me to see how my generation has become so desensitized to people around them. Gay is not synonymous with stupid. Special is not synonymous with dysfunctional.
@SuSu - I skipped school to go to the public library where I could actually learn something. I suspect we had similar experience with that lol
@oceanstarr -
Yes, and my son went through high school only for drama class and the daily D&D sessions at lunchtime. Anyone determined to learn isn’t going to let the educational system get in the way.
being a labeled kid I am glad to be special! Sad no one listens to the special ones more.
Mine are now GIFTED wow what a contrast. This slow special lady had gifted kids how did that happen?
My husband stil thinks he got a bargain. I am glad for that! I try to make every “cent”count!
At school that kids get major rewards like a printed paper that is like cash to buy stuff. Sad I wish they went back to just a star.
BTW thanks for subscribing.