April 24, 2008
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Suffering Is Optional
Oh, yes, I am an indifferent bitch. Suffer all you want. I will neither blame you for it nor pity you. Your martyrdom cannot inspire me, and watching you self-destruct doesn’t move me unless you try to take me with you. If you do, I will act to stop you or I’ll move out of range, but I won’t blame you. There is no blame, no shame, in ignorance, misinformation or delusion.“Pain is part of life.
Suffering is optional.”
–The BuddhaPain moves me. Knowing that people are hurting gets to me. I am not indifferent to any part of the pain and destruction going on here on my planetary home. I simply see no virtue in suffering or self-sacrifice. I feel others’ pain but I don’t suffer for it. I choose to do all in my power to relieve the suffering on this planet. How can I do that by adding my own suffering to what is already there?
I have scant tolerance for those who choose to suffer. People may learn things from suffering and sacrifice, but if they don’t learn the futility and sheer counterproductivity inherent in them, then their suffering was all in vain and the sacrifice was nothing but waste.
In Paper 89, Sin, Sacrifice and Atonement, the Urantia Book says:
“The savage was early possessed with the notion that spirits derive
supreme satisfaction from the sight of human misery, suffering, and
humiliation… Primitive man believed that something special must be done to win the
favor of the gods; only advanced civilization recognizes a consistently
even-tempered and benevolent God.”God lets us do our will. The Universe doesn’t care if we suffer, and neither do I. God’s design and/or the process of evolution have given us numerous ways to avoid suffering, and pain is one of them. Without pain to alert us to internal problems and external hazards, we’d all hurt more and die sooner. Ignore pain at your peril, but if you cling to it and cultivate it, you will suffer. The choice is yours to make.
I’ve covered all this ad nauseam before now, and I recently spent several days rewriting my old PainSwitch post into a new PainSwitch to help you and her and him avoid letting your pain become suffering. If you suffer, it is because you choose to suffer, and if you choose to suffer, then your suffering is success, and where’s the pain in that?
If you suffer from an addiction — any compulsive behavior — you don’t need to. If your suffering is from a “pain” that is more mental and/or emotional than physical, I have done what I can to help with that, too. I put together a little tool kit out of the thoughts and words of some wiser folks than I am. It needs revising and rewriting, also. I’m working on that. I need, at least, to add something about the importance of not sabotaging yourself with thoughts of inadequacy:
“Do or do not.
There is no ‘try’.”–Yoda
…and something about happiness being a choice not dependent on external events:
“Don’t worry; be happy.”
– Bob Marley,
Meher Baba,
and Bobby McFerrin
Comments (20)
I’m making better choices in my life, but the addiction of a person close to me is something I am allowing to hurt me as well. It’s hard for me to change my reactions to the other person’s behavior.
I LOVE that picture at the top – my cat would be in the same position even if I were retching over the porcelain goddess.
And the beat goes on.
I really enjoyed this.
This was a really great entry, I’m glad you wrote it. ^_^
~Misa
“Suffering succotash!”
-Sylvester the Cat
@BoureeMusique - Change might be hard, but it is an even more essential and inevitable part of life than pain is. The trick is in changing the way you want to change.
@notforprophet - Thanks. I needed that. You’re aces, dy’know?
Sucking up to the prophet, eh?
Fine … “YO! ADRIAN!” ~ Rocky
@BlueCollarGoddess - Off-topic, and not nearly so funny as Sylvester.
Dontcha think it’s about time I sucked up to him, after he’s sucked up to me so much?
Always good stuff here. “Ignore pain at your peril, but if you cling to it and cultivate it, you will suffer.” Those are words to ponder. And I will. Thanks.
See, that’s the thing. So many people choose to suffer, and then they wonder why the world doesn’t stop to cry along with them. Suck it up and go on, people. I admire far more the person who is enduring trials but keeps on moving than the person who gets stuck over something insignificant. And I realize that what is insignificant to me might be life-altering to someone else, but there are things that are tiny to everyone–that everyone ought to be able to deal with and grow from.
@SuSu - You gotta be kidding me.
Rocky ENDURES!
And the pain, oh the suffering — And his name is Sylvester. Stallone.
You know this really brought to mind a very good friend of my Mother’s…was was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer..the doctors did not expect her to live…and she went through the treatment because she wanted to live….what would be suffering to most others was a chance for her….and the thing I learned is that most of our suffering is in our own minds
This is the lesson I got (he’d call it a brain fake) from listening to Dr Pausch’s Last Lecture. Suffering is not the same as experiencing pain, and there’s no reason to choose suffering when it’s just as easy to choose joy.
OK then, I’ll be happy. Seems simple enough.
Parenting is my greatest challenge at the moment, and I am choosing, over and over again, not to suffer, and not to let my pain at witnessing the kid’s suffering turn into more suffering for him. I will not enable. I will not enable. I will not enable.
Please don’t yell at me?
(Just kidding)
http://buddhism.kalachakranet.org/resources/14_precepts.html
Suffering is attachment to non-suffering. Non-suffering is acceptance of pain as a reality. Suffering is aversion to this same reality. We all suffer to the extent that we are attached to being alive as separate beings. Letting go of the individual self is difficult.
I remember Thich Nhat Hanh saying that only after a toothache do we realize our attachment to non-toothache.
Wow. Just the bitch slap I needed. I’ll shut up my whining already rofl. I’m aware that I choose my suffering. I’m trying to learn to not choose that. That’s why I asked for your input in improving the situation… I just say things I shouldn’t when I’m hungry and fatigued and can’t figure out the path for a minute. I need to stay off the internet and meditate more I guess. I apologize. Every time I slip up, you’re the one to smack me for it.
@BlueCollarGoddess - Ok, now that you’ve explained it, I can see the circuitous connection to the topic, and I know that both Sylvester the Cat and Rocky Balboa are pathetic characters (we can even throw Stallone in there too, while we’re at it), but NO WAY is Rocky’s whine as funny as Sylvester’s lisp.
I love Bobby McFerrlin- as a matter of fact just downloaded some of his tunes earlier today.