October 21, 2007
-
Just Me Being Myself
Anyone who has followed my blog even sporadically will know that it is all over the place: memoirs from half a century or more ago, commentary on the news, silly quizzes, photos of subarctic suburban life, myth and folklore, and more, including the obligatory journals about my chronic illness and the occasional acute health crisis. I call them “obligatory,” because my instincts when I am sick urge me to withdraw from human contact and communication. I would never post anything like yesterday’s entry if I didn’t feel that I need to, and for more compelling reasons than simply a need to vent.
My commitment to disclosure conflicts with cultural programming to pretend that I am “okay,” and the factor that always tilts the scale toward revelation is my solidarity with others whose health might be even shakier than my own. Footprints reveal hits referred from the blogrings, Living with Chronic Illness and Pain and Fibroland, and others show me that people find my site through web searches for myalgic encephalomyelitis and chronic fatigue. If anyone finds a useful fact or gets a helpful lift when morale is low, then my purpose is fulfilled.
The immediate feedback I get from these entries, in the form of comments, can be both comforting and disturbing, all at the same time. I keep reminding myself that it is the thought that counts, that people care about me who might not quite know how to express that. Their wishes for me to “get well” or “feel better,” I tell myself, are not meant to pressure me into better performance when I am healing as well as I know how and as fast as I can already.
Once in a while, one of those “get well” comments includes something more than just good wishes. Yesterday, HomerTheBrave sent me a link to maybelogic.blogspot and a video of Alan Moore’s poetic tribute to Robert Anton Wilson, “And How Are You Tonight, Mr. Wilson?” I was moved to tears and laughter, both of which have incredible healing powers. It’s so wonderful to have such wise and generous friends. Keep those comments coming.
Comments (1)
I suppose folk just don’t know what to say, K. And you can’t really mind over matter entirely, just a little bit. It doesn’t work otherwise people would be generally in better shape than they are. We can’t all be that negative!!! I look back at my recovery from HV VI with fondness, as it had a component which gave me the peace to just sit and be with myself and not be a human DOING. I am glad too when people find my little spaces here and there, and take away something they can use, even if it is validation or confirmation of what they are feeling.