May 29, 2007

• no plans, no expectations

  Last week, I far exceeded my usual level of activity as I moved boxes around in the storage cabin, sorted, cleaned, priced and packed things for the big weekend yard sale that never happened.  The weather was rainy all weekend, which took the pressure off me to go into town and set up my junk to sell.  I ended up appreciating that because I had worn myself out getting ready for it.

  I don’t know what comes next. I’m brain-fogged and fumble-fingered today, but not sorry that I pushed the envelope and did all that stuff to get me in this condition.  If I ever stop “forgetting” my limitations, I might as well stop everything.  But don’t quote me on that, and don’t be surprised if I reverse myself.  I reserve the right to be inconsistent and unpredictable.  The reality I live in is inconsistent and unpredictable.  I fit right in.

  I’m still trying to keep some frogspawn alive.  One tadpole ranch had an overnight die-off when the water turned an opaque inky black.  I cleaned out the container and divided the population of the remaining one to relieve population stress.  So far, that is working.  The little polliwogs are growing and developing.  Maybe if the sun comes out I’ll get some new pics to show you.

  Everything is “maybe” and “if… then.”  I am very glad that I am not forced into an invariable schedule, glad that I have no unbreakable commitments other than the ones I can handle. 

  I had a scary, uneasy moment when I woke today and the front door was standing open.  The unease eased up a bit when I saw Koji curled up at the foot of my bed.  If he took advantage of the temporary freedom to roam, he made it back before I awoke.

  That door won’t lock or latch because several successive avalanches off the roof of the little cabin just outside there have destroyed the part of the door frame where the lock mechanism used to be.  Sometimes it saves my having to get up and let a cat in or out, because some of them will just open the door for themselves.  Usually, since the trailer leans that way due to settling of the blocks under it, the door swings shut on its own.

  When I saw it standing open today, my first thought was that the ground had thawed under the blocks and the place had settled in the other direction.  I was trying to think of a doable fix for the door, and wondering if I had run out of easy solutions, but my anxiety was unfounded.  The problem was only that Koji’s leash, on its hook behind the door, had swung out and gotten into the crack by the hinges, keeping the door from shutting.  I fixed that.  If only the leaky roof were that easy to fix….

  I thought for a while today that I’d lost the scrap of paper with my to-blog list on it.  When I finally found it and added the new idea to the list, and scratched off a few things I have already blogged about, I was sorta wishing that the thing really would disappear.  Isn’t that silly?  Yes, it is foolish, I know, to make a list to help me remember things, and then wish I could just forget some of those things.  I’ll get over it… or not.  Either way, don’t worry.  Worrying about me won’t help me; it will only hurt you.

  This morning I started to suspect that my state of irrationality might have something to do with the upcoming full moon, a true blue moon in my hemisphere, being the second full moon this month.  Imagine my delight when I found that Robert Wilkinson calls this period the Grand Irrationality.

  The Grand Irrationality is why everything feels much
  weirder than it used to, with hard edges and widespread irrational
  and/or compulsive behaviors more and more evident. Sometimes these
  energies grow stronger than at other times, depending on where the
  planets are. The link to The Grand Irrationality will explain more
  about this widespread long term influence in depth, along with internal
  links in that article that explain more about the larger field and what
  we can do to maneuver it successfully.

  Right now the hot zones of The Grand Irrationality fall at
  approximately 27 Sagittarius-1 Capricorn, 20-25 Aquarius, 11-14 Aries,
  2-7 Gemini, 24-27 Cancer, 15-19 Virgo, and 6-10 Scorpio at this time in
  history. This pattern is setting up the generally strange atmosphere, a
  lot of compulsions coming to surface as well as forks in the road of
  our destiny in several areas of life, and overall one long hard edge of
  choices, changes, and a future that never is quite as logical as we may
  like.

  In dealing with the generic weirdness, remember that even if things
  get very bizarre or irrational, we are not powerless. Even if destiny
  is “on the move,” we still can steer the process to some degree, if we
  don’t lose our cool in the midst of the great weirdness. We’re learning
  in these strange times not to lean too heavily on “things making
  sense,” and how to fly by the seat of our pants, not going funky places
  we shouldn’t, and making choices that will propel us into an evolving
  future that may not make much sense but is perfect for the uniqueness
  we are.

  Ahhh… my specialty:  flying by the seat of my pants.  And I never expect things to make sense, because they seldom do and I’m sharp enough to have noticed that.

  Preview of blog in progress:

  The IRA and the CDC were having a PBJ at KFC…

  To be continued, unless the weirdness passes.

  

  • 6:55 pm
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