August 30, 2006
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“THE” is a problem.
I almost wrote, “‘THE’ is the
problem,” before I realized that there are a lot more of these problems
than just the one. And that’s the nub of this problem. I had been thinking specifically of The Long Dark
Night of the Soul. It occurred to me that calling it thenight
implied that there is only one. That would suggest that
once I got through that one spell of benightedness and emerged into the
Light, I’d be there. I would have arrived, so to speak. To
hold such a misconception easily leads to depression or despair when
darker times arrive and one forgets for a while that she is enlightened.Having chased the light through the last years of the 1960s and most of
the 1970s, when relative enlightenment did finally hit me, I relaxed my
vigilance. One person, at least, will grasp the
significance of that statement. “Vigilance” is one of Greyfox’s
favorite words. At the NA meeting to which I took him soon after
his last drug binge, it was these words in the preamble that caught his
attention and engaged his imagination: “We keep what we have only
through vigilance.”Vigilance, a sort of mindfulness, receptive attention with an open
focus, is an essential ingredient of any life that is happy, joyous and
free. At least, it is essential to me and to many others with my
tendency to slip from the light. I can see my lapse of attention
as a natural enough error. Having found what I’d sought, I saw no
reason to think I’d lose it again. At the time, I was unaware
that what I had “found” was a focus. I’d tuned in, gotten “on a
beam,” so to speak, and mistook my little beam of light for something
much more extensive and pervasive.I dislike metaphors and symbolic language, but have little else with
which to communicate. Here — tune into my thoughts and know,
grok, what I’m trying to say. Don’t get it? Let me try a
different metaphor. I had awakened. Wakefulness,
mindfulness, essential being, was so pleasant and productive a state
that I had no desire to return to sleep. But that “I”
that saw and knew and did so much was not all there was to me.
The essential I exists on this plane within and through a meat machine
whose natural state is sleep. If my focus shifted, my vigilance
lapsed, I’d slip into identification with the sleep of the machine.One helpful facet of my situation as an habitual backslider, one of the
very few comforting thoughts about having fallen frequently into the
machine’s sleep, is that I now no longer ever really forget that I have
been enlightened. To resort once again to the light/dark
metaphor, the blackness no longer seems so absolute and the light is no
longer so blinding. The depression and despair that accompany the
sleep of the machine after the exultation of essential awareness isn’t
as deep or life-threatening as it once was.I no longer need to plunge so deep into the dark sleep before I bounce
back into the light. I regain my focus and my vigilance more
easily each time I lose it. Maybe all that bouncing about is
nothing but preparation for bouncing right out of the machine.
It’s a faulty and malfunctioning machine, uncomfortable to live
in. I suppose that one of these times when I transcend it, I just
won’t come back. Meanwhile, here I am, and there’s a lot of work
to be done.
Comments (6)
Grok’d
Yesterday, I discovered I needed to have more vigilance too. It was in another area, but I had become a slacker and now I am bouncing back.
Cool
Peace, love, light
Very engaging post. I suppose, to some degree, we all bounce forth & back into the machine. Some just go deeper and stay longer. Thanks for subbing! I’m here to return the favor. The pics one down are very nice. It’s so damned gorgeous there. Nothing like here. I like the shroom pics. We have a ton of here, though not colorful ones at all. We keep picking them so the dog doesn’t eat them… they make him yak.
i grok too…not necessarily approving of the way others seem to glide, and raging around the shortcuts many make. keep well
The deeper the water, the higher the thrust of the mountain.
Usually, finally arriving at bottom, there is SOMETHING to push off against and thrust once again toward the mountain.
With age, I float better and flail less. With experience, I holler “Uncle” sooner, surrender, ask for suggestions and gladly accept and request the energy of prayer.
IT IS WHAT(ever) it is and IT IS DEFINITELY AN ADVENTURE!
AND, WHATEVER THE EXTREMITY, OTHER SOUL-SPIRITSELVES ARE PRESENT.
It is OK not to be OK, but sometimes it gets tremendously tiresome and stretches the patience further than one thinks possible. It must be difficult to be physically so isolated. I am glad you are surrounded by Earth beauty and feline affection, your son and Grey Fox’ appearances.
Peace and affection to you, dear heart.
So first of all, i do want to apologize for not acknowleging your subscribtion sooner, but I did want to take the time to try and get a handle on this person who for some strange reason opted to subscribe to my – compared to yours – feeble attempt at blogging. So I’ve spent the better part of an hour reading some of your posts and your side bars and I’ve found you to be quite an interesting character – which is to be expected of those who have chosen to make the wilds of Alaska their home. I did enjoy the pix of the area – reminds me of some of the areas near which I lived here in Northern MI when I was younger. I have to say that your familiarity with the english language exceeds mine by a large margin – almost need my thesarus at hand.
but anyhow, i do appreciate the subscription and I hope you find something of interest there from time to time. peace, Al
There’s lots of times that I seek and really want the oblivion of the sleep of this machine, basically due to my weakness and being in my fog most of the time. Occassionally I’ll step into the light, but mostly stay in my fog.
There’s always lots to be done…and it always stays that way!