April 10, 2006

• housework of a sort

  I spent most of today doing a tedious job that I had been neglecting
  for a year and a half.  I now have all the readings on KaiOaty
  indexed.  The index is about twice as long as it was this morning
  when I started.  I would like to be able to say that it feels good
  to get it done, but that wouldn’t quite be true.  I felt a moment
  of triumph when it was all done, and that moment passed quickly.

  I know that my feelings today are associated with my OCD
  (obsessive-compulsive disorder, and if I didn’t have it I probably
  wouldn’t feel it necessary to spell it out).  I didn’t want to do
  the job, but this morning I felt I should be doing something productive
  while I waited for my brain to wake up, so I started on that. 
  Then, once I got going, it was hard to stop.

  I took advantage of my lunch break to break free from the indexing and
  get a reading done, then as soon as I finished that I went back and
  finished up the index.  I was sorta on a roll with it, rolling
  like a rock downhill.  I didn’t enjoy the work, and now I’m not
  enjoying having gotten it done because I’m pissed off over being
  compulsive about shit like this.  Being crazy just drives me nuts.

  

  • 10:29 pm
  • 8 Comments