January 7, 2006

• Subject: subspace, subtext, and possibly subthig else as well

  I intend to take the full allotted hour here at the Willow Public Library’s comp, and as much over as I can manage before the librarian catches me and tosses me out.  It has been too long.  I’m blogstipated again.  Last night at home on our newly “repaired” old comp with its brand new motherboard, I composed a longer-than-usual blog in Notepad for posting later.  The *&^%$ machine would not recognize that it had a modem, and it insisted that every audio output device (headphones, speakers) was a microphone (“audio in”). 

  
  

  When I talked to the tech this morning, he said, “That sounds like a device driver problem.”  **sigh**  “We do that sometimes.  Just turn right around and bring it back in.”  Yeah, right.  …right back down the icy road half the length of the Susitna Valley, through the moose and, DV, past all of them.

  
  

  I’m reading back through comments left in my absence.  FYI, Glori, we have NEVER “ignored an invoice” or been late paying our bills.  Usually, I pay for services at the time I receive them, as requested.  If I can’t pay, I don’t go.  That’s the way my parents programmed me.

  
  

  However, we do qualify for the maximum subsidy on their sliding fee scale, so maybe it’s because the paperwork for reimbursement from the government is more troublesome than insurance paperwork that makes them “discriminate” against us.  I have never thought of it as discrimination, and I think Greyfox’s perception is colored by paranoia and narcissistic personality disorder.

  
  

  ilsurvive wants to see pics of Felony Flats.  Okaaay, I’ll just go check my photo files, to find the date I uploaded them.  BRB….  There!  That wasn’t hard at all, thanx to my having figured out how to do it.  First I look to see when the pics were uploaded, then I go to the calendar and jump to that date, scroll down, right-click the time stamp, copy the url and paste it here.  I don’t have any winter photos to show how it looks now, but I do have my camera in the car and I’m on my way down there.  Unless I forget, I’ll have some to post after they refix the benighted computer.  Meanwhile, imagine massive amounts of ice and snow and a couple of years worth of dilapidation and decay.

  
  

  Barney noticed that our comp seems to be sick a lot.  The old one was.  It went through a succession of hard drives until we despaired and started trying to figure out how to replace the whole system.  Then we received the gift of this “new” machine, pieced together from salvaged parts.  It was damaged in shipment from California to Alaska, the USPS paid off on the insurance and the local techs at a shop in Wasilla put it all back together in a new case using the salvaged parts and a few new replacements where necessary.  The motherboard which failed this time had been one of the original old salvaged parts that went through the battering in the mail.  That it survived that and still functioned was semi-miraculous.  That I have a computer at all, given my lifestyle and our economic challenges, is even more miraculous and due entirely to the kindness of the Xangans who support me.  In case you never noticed the business license posted at the bottom of my pages here and on KaiOaty, this IS my primary place of business and practically my sole source of income besides the generous support that Greyfox gives me for some unfathomable reason.

  
  

  The following comment provides the perfect segue into my subspacey, subtextual subject for today.  Be warned, I’ve used almost all my duly allotted hour and may get booted out of here before I can finish, but if that happens, as the foreign-born gov of my native state has said, I’ll be back.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  I understand your computer took a dump.  :::sighs:::

  
  

  It’s gonna give you a chance to play video games, work on little projects, and rest.  I think.
  Perhaps it’s a gift in disguise, or perhaps you can tell me to eff off too . . . either way, I’m loving you.
  When you read this, it WILL be belated. 
  Merry Christmas & Happy New Year - – Oh Anam Cara!      JadedFey

  
  

  I actually have been playing, but not games, just ONE video game, Disgaea.  Doug derides and ridicules the OCD that keeps me playing the same game over and over instead of taking on new and different challenges all the time.  I’ve been stopped (in terms of the games “story line”, just short of the final boss fight, for many months and hundreds of hours on the game clock.  I think it was over a year ago that I noticed I’d gone past the 999 hours 59 minutes and 59 seconds where the clock finally stopped. 

  
  

  Doug’s derision and ridicule don’t bother me.  I’m enjoying myself, taking it easy, completing my mission to provide my demon horde with all the very best Legendary weapons and armor and level them up in the process.  I have two thieves who are above level four thousand and probably a dozen or two characters I use a lot who are above level two thousand, and the bottom of my roster, a gaggle of clerics and monsters who just can’t keep up, are all above level 245 now, with the puniest of them having over 30,000 HP.  Each of the hundred-and-some members of my little horde is equipped with a matched set of Legendary equipment, the enhancement of which provides the mini-game activity with which I spend my hours on the PS2.  To Doug it is nuts, but to me it is easier and thus more fun (while still providing some challenge and variety) than learning a whole new game. 

  
  

  But all that is beside the point.  I was heading toward that, “gift in disguise,” idea.  It is a gift and I have penetrated its disguise to some extent, and now must only wait to see what the ultimate outcome is.  It’s all part of a “subspace” plot to further my evolution or facilitate my completion of the Plan or take me through the next step on the path or the currently pending leap into the Void, or whatever…

  
  

  Last summer, around the same time the comp was out we also had a series of weird electrical problems in the house.  All the outlets in the front room went dead.  We worked around it using heavy-duty extension cords snaking through from the back of the trailer.  Subsequently, some but not all of those outlets came back to life, including the one into which the computer had been plugged.  I rearranged some of the extension cords and went on in a state of  low-grade anxiety about faulty wiring and all.  Because of the inconvenience of switching wires around, crawling under and behind furniture, we left the computer plugged into the extension cord that’s plugged in under the desk in Doug’s bedroom.

  
  

  Then, in September I got onto the 1111Angels board and picked up a few pieces of info about my old friends the Midwayers.  One little datum is this:  they are electrical beings.  Courtney Brown refers to them as “subspace” beings.  Several threads on the Angels board have dealt with anecdotes involving the way they affect the appliances and devices with which we live.  The penny dropped for me and I asked my old friends the Midwayers (who, along with various angels, elementals, minor deities, Higher Powers and shamanic power animals, are generally simply called “The Guys” or my Guides) if they were responsible for the mysterious electrical glitches.  They confirmed my surmise.

  
  

  So last week, after the comp went down, when all the wall outlets in the bathroom and the back bedroom, as well as the built-in light fixtures in that bedroom went dead, I asked them immediately if they’d done it.  They said they had.  I asked them if they were just toying with me.  No.  They have a higher or deeper purpose which I’m apparently too dense to perceive.  When I asked if they would fix it, they assured me they would but they wouldn’t say when.  This morning, the light in the bedroom was back on and the wall outlets in the bathroom were once again hot.  But the wall outlet behind the computer desk is dead again, so I’m glad we left that big green extension cord strung out from Doug’s room.

  
  

  That’s the short version of the subspace stuff.  There is ever so much more, and I’ll probably bring it up again sometime.  Remind me to tell you about my experiences with some of the people who resent being told that their angels or faeries or dragons might actually all be the same sort of subspace critters.

  
  

  On my way into Willow today, I got to thinking about subtext.  Actually, I think about subtext just about every time I have a conversation with someone and frequently when I read blogs or magazine articles or listen to interviews and news stories on the radio.  It is more important to me than what is being said, because usually there is more information there, and virtually always more truth.

  
  

  Specifically, this time, I was thinking about the last two times Greyfox said to me, “I love you.”  He rarely says it, but he expresses his high regard, respect, and other warm feelings in many ways.  But I have detected a pattern in those overt professions of love.  Both recent occasions and some I can recall from farther back came after I  had said or done something foolish, clumsy or stupid.  In other words, his subtext implies that he “loves” me because I’m fallible.

  
  

  This explains so much.  I think I’m beginning to understand why he had consistently given me so much grief early on in our relationship when I’d been quick to offer my help or complete some arduous or tricky task such as replacing an empty propane tank with a full one or fixing some minor mechanical problem with a vehicle.  He used to complain that I thought he was incompetent.  His subtext there (since I know that I thought no such thing) was that my competence made him feel incompetent.  Now that I’m a total wreck, foggy-minded and fumble-fingered from myalgic encephalomyelitis and chronic fatigue, he loves me.  Is his affection worth the grief and trouble I’ve gone through to earn it?  I dunno.  I’ll get back to you on that one.

  
  

  Meanwhile, I’m outta here.  Later….

  
  

  

  
  

   

  • 7:10 pm
  • 6 Comments