November 28, 2005

• Alaska Facts

  My recent pair of photo blogs elicited a few comments on the depth
  of the snow.  These comments have elicited from me a little shot
  of reality:  folks, this is still November.  The snow has
  just begun to accumulate.  Average on-the-ground depth (compacted,
  not as measured while it falls all fluffy) around here in a normal
  winter is something between two and three feet.  I got snow in my
  boots crossing the ditch this weekend.  Before long, I’d need
  snowshoes to cross that same ditch because the snow there will be more
  than waist-deep on me.

  What really brought me here today was the sociopolitical scene. 
  Last week, Steven Pearlstein wrote in a syndicated column his
  recommendation that the U.S. sell Alaska back to Russia because we
  receive more money from the Feds than we return to the U.S. treasury
  through taxes and other revenues.

  I heard Pearlstein being interviewed about this on NPR.  He was
  asked if he knew that Alaska comes in second to New Mexico on that
  list, and if he was proposing to sell New Mexico back to the
  Mexicans.  He said no, because his father lives in New
  Mexico.  The general tone of his responses in that interview
  suggested that he was less than totally serious in his proposal. 
  He did seem to realize the gravity of the matter toward the end, when
  he said he probably wouldn’t be visiting Alaska any time soon, at least
  not using his own name.

  Greyfox and I talked about this in our nightly phone call.  Our
  conclusion was that the U.S. might face an armed revolt if they even
  considered that.  Many of my compatriots here have long agitated
  for secession from the Union, and I don’t suppose they’d be very happy
  about being sold out to a country that, when it was at the peak of its
  power, was their primary enemy.  Alaskans as an aggregate tend to
  be more chauvinistic, activistic, and well-armed than their fellow
  Americans.

  I don’t often regret my choice not to hang out in the bars at the local
  lodges, but this is a topic on which I’d surely enjoy hearing the
  opinions of the lodgerats.  This is what Alaska Ear had to say about it:

  NYET . . . Connected lobes
  have seen the Steven Pearlstein column in Wednesday’s Washington Post
  and in Saturday’s Daily News that suggests the U.S. raise money to pay
  down the federal deficit and “restore some sanity to the annual
  appropriations process” by selling Alaska back to Russia. The rest of
  the country will be glad to get rid of us and our incurable addiction
  to federal subsidies, the column declares.

  But did you know the column has been
  translated into Russian and reprinted in newspapers there, where it is
  being taken as a serious proposal and is sparking discussions on
  whether Russia should buy us back? An amused earwig with Russki
  connections says it’s so.

  That crack, “restore some sanity to the annual
  appropriations process,” refers, of course, to our Congressional
  delegation, particularly Senator Ted “Porkbarrel” Stevens (R,
  AK).  Politically interested Americans know enough about him
  already, probably more than they want to know.  But few outside our state have even heard of Ted’s son Ben.

  A recent opinion piece
  in the Anchorage Daily News gave Ben’s latest scandal a humorous
  spin.  I’m conflicted over the idea of laughing off idiocy,
  arrogance and graft, but on the other hand, I suppose laughing is
  better than grinding my teeth or loading my gun and going
  stalking.  The author poses as a prophet here:

  For those of you about to head south to open
  up your townhouse in Palm Springs, here are my insights to save you the
  trouble of worrying about what you might miss while gone:

  The state’s new
  jet has been a luxurious
  change for the governor and convicts [our governor's closest associates
  include some convicted of ethics violations] who no longer have to
  suffer
  turboprop lag. The jet has the flush toilet, which prompted its
  purchase and its prize-winning name: Incontinental Airline.

  Although the governor has been making enemies
  over the jet as fast as rabbits make rabbits, he still considers his
  new ride as money well thrown away.

  Not to be outdone by Alaska Airlines, which
  painted one of its planes to resemble a king salmon to publicize the
  allure of throwing away public money, I predict the governor will have
  his jet painted with the image of a sheep. This will signify his
  pulling the wool over the Legislature and fleecing the citizens of
  Alaska.

  Sen. Ralph Seekins, R-Fairbanks, actually
  suggested this past session that it should be a crime to file an ethics
  complaint against a legislator and then tell someone. But since Seekins
  is a politician who wants to be governor, you have to take everything
  he says with at least 10 pounds of salt. This guy is so conservative,
  his cell phone has a rotary dial.

  Because Seekins believes the problem is not
  unethical legislators but publicity about unethical legislators, I
  predict he will file a bill to outlaw all reporting during legislative
  sessions, including committee meetings, caucuses, hallway huddles and
  lobbyist-sponsored getaways.

  In an unusual show of bipartisanship, House
  Speaker John Harris, R-Valdez, will delegate more responsibility to the
  minority party this coming legislative session. The Democrats will now
  be responsible for everything that goes wrong.

  Sen. Ben Stevens, R-Anchorage, will finally
  disclose what he does to earn thousands upon thousands of consulting
  dollars every year from Veco. In response, 400,000 Alaskans will file
  an ethics complaint, but Seekins will make sure no one knows.

  If local politics in the boonies don’t bore you, there’s more.

  ktuu.com
  has an article (profusely illustrated) that eloquently illustrates many
  Alaskans’ ambivalence between repugnance at Ted Stevens’s arrogance and
  fear of what will happen in our state when he’s no longer in the U.S.
  Senate.

  Some of my readers, those who read both
  sites, know that I have been working.  I have more work to do
  there, too, an unusual backlog for which I am grateful and glad. 
  I’ll let that distraction serve as my excuse for serving up this prefab
  blog today.
  

  • 4:57 pm
  • 4 Comments