October 30, 2005

• body part pie

  gluten-free, sugar-free, no-cow’s-milk
  
  Body Part Pie
  
  
  

  
  I was not prepared to wait until after
  halloween for the traditional jack o’lantern pie, so as I was carving
  Winky Jack today, I carefully saved what I cut out of his generous
  mouth, his one big sorta-roundish eye, the other more-or-less winky
  eye, and both of the nostrils that turned out perhaps bigger than
  nostrils should be — heck, I wanted enough punkin body parts for pie,
  didn’t I? 
  

  

  As he turned
  out, if you use
  your imagination, either he has little beady eyes and a mismatched pair
  of ears, or he’s got a wink and a wide-open nose.  He isn’t
  pretty, but he’s pretty scary, which is traditionally what jack
  o’lanterns are spozed to be, eh?  Besides, the Body Part Pie
  recipe won’t work with one of those fine-lined, pretty, artistic
  new-fangled pumpkin carvings — not enough bulk to the dismembered bits.

  After I microwaved Jack’s dismembered body parts in a covered bowl for
  ten minutes and removed the rind, I mashed them with a potato
  masher.  They could also be pureed in a blender or hacked up in a
  food processor.  I like my pumpkin pie sorta lumpy.  After
  the cooking and mashing was done, I determined that I had 2 cups of
  pumpkin, enough for one pie.

  I made more than enough pastry for one crust, for two reasons:  I
  like a generous fluted edge on my crust so the pie won’t boil over, and
  working with gluten-free flours, it is difficult to roll pastry thin
  without tearing it.  Excuse me a moment, I’m starting to salivate here.  I’m gonna go and get another slice of coffee and a cup of fresh pie.

  Mmmmmm.  That’s what I said when I tasted that first slice while
  it was still a little warm, and I’ll say it again, but don’t let Doug
  hear me.  When I realized my error the first time, I corrected
  myself quickly, said, “I mean, yuuukk!  That’s awful pie. 
  I’m sure you don’t want any of it.”    Since Doug had
  his first slice of it, we have both been assuring each other that it is
  indeed really nasty pie and we will each sacrifice him/herself to save
  the other from having to eat it.  It’s over half gone, now.

  PREHEAT OVEN TO 425 degrees Fahrenheit.

  Pastry Recipe:

  Whisk together:
  

  2 cups garbanzo and fava bean flour (mine comes as a pre-mixed combo from http://www.bobsredmill.com.)
  1 teaspoon salt
  1 teaspoon xanthan gum (takes the place of gluten to hold the pastry together)
  

  
  Cut into flour mixture with pastry blender or two knives, or mash into it with a fork:
  

  1 1/3 cups chilled butter
  

  
  When the largest bits of butter are pea-sized or smaller, mix in with a fork:
  

  1/2 cup cold water
  

  
  This, of course, is rolled flat on a floured surface and gently fit into a pie pan, with the edge turned up and fluted.

  This made more pastry than I needed for the pie, so I rolled the excess
  dough flat, cut it into little rounds with a cookie cutter, brushed the
  tops with a glaze made from Splenda and goat milk, baked them about ten
  minutes at 425 degrees F, and we had some weird bean cookies while we
  waited for the pie to bake and cool.

  Filling Recipe:

  Lightly beat:
  

  two eggs
  

  
  Add to eggs, mixing after each addition:
  

  2 cups cooked and mashed pumpkin body parts
  1 1/2 cups goat milk (I used an undiluted can of evaporated goat milk for extra creaminess)
  1 cup granular Splenda (the kind that measures cup-for-cup like sugar)
  1/2 teaspoon salt
  1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon
  1 teaspoon ground ginger
  

  (optionally,
  you can also add 1/2 teaspoon ground cloves if you like cloves, or you
  can substitute 2 or 3 teaspoons of Chinese five spice for the other
  spices, if you prefer)

  Pour the filling mixture into the unbaked pie shell and bake in the
  preheated 425-degree oven for 15 minutes.  Lower oven temperature
  to 350 degrees – LEAVE THE PIE IN THERE! – and bake for another 45
  minutes.  When done, a clean knife inserted in the center should
  come out clean.

  Tell everyone that body part pie with bean crust is nasty stuff, and
  keep it all for yourself — do NOT foolishly go “Mmmmm…” over your
  first bite of it, as I did, or you will have to share.
  

  
  
  

  • 1:48 am
  • 10 Comments