August 31, 2005

• We’ve been interviewed.

  Gabriel Spitzer from APRN (Alaska Public Radio Network) spent this
  afternoon at Felony Flats with Greyfox.  He brought along a copy
  of one of Greyfox’s poems and had him read it for the audience, asked a lot of questions, and he
  interviewed Mike the landlord and a few other bystanding denizens
  besides Greyfox.  The edited version of all that will air as a
  segment on the award-winning program, AK.

  screaminginmyhead was looking for people who wanted to be interviewed, so I jumped on her bandwagon.  Here are her questions and my answers:

  1) If I was a person of pure unconditional love, how would I think,
  feel and act, and how different would my life be? How would other
  people respond to me?

  My life won’t change much when my unconditional love reaches a state of
  completion or “purity”.  All that will change is that there will
  be no more of those minor fear reactions I still occasionally
  experience, and instead of being totally accepting only of those I know
  and with whom I choose to associate,that acceptance will extend to the
  whole universe.  

  I have already transcended my previous desire to cling to those I love,
  and I don’t try to change anyone.  My current lack of total
  universal acceptance is manifested in my tendency to avoid those whose
  behavior threatens or repels me — not that I avoid them completely –
  what I mean is that I don’t hang out with them.  I don’t hate
  anyone, although I see a lot of behavior I don’t like and don’t want to
  be part of.

  I suppose that when my self-transformation is complete I’ll have no
  more guilt or self-doubt.  It seems that I’m going to end up being
  the last person in the universe that I learn to love unconditionally.

  Other people will continue to respond to me the same way they do now,
  based upon their own perception, preconceptions, and level of awareness.  It is
  within my power to manipulate the responses of only a fraction of the
  people with whom I come into contact and I don’t care enough about
  their opinions of me to make the attempt.  People accept me as I
  am, or they don’t.  It will always be that way.

  2) If I was given a million dollars to start a charity – what cause would I choose and why?

  That’s tough, because a million wouldn’t really do what I want to do,
  but it might serve as seed money to attract other people to help me
  establish the wilderness retreat center, youth rehab center, intensive
  drug recovery program and artists’ colony that I’ve been dreaming of
  for decades.  I just want to provide a place for those who need
  such a place.

   

  3) I am given 24 hours to get my affairs in order – how would I spend the hours?

  As much as I would hate dying and leaving this mess for someone else to
  clean up, I would not spend my last day frantically cleaning
  house.  A day wouldn’t begin to do the job.

  I wouldn’t take off and travel to any place I’ve always wanted to go,
  because there are too many such places, both ones that I’ve never been
  and those that I’ve been to and want to go back.

  I wouldn’t need to rush around telling people that I love them. 
  All my nearest and dearest have heard it plenty of times, and a lot of
  near-strangers have been told, too, sometimes to their astonishment or
  incredulity.  

  I’d write a will so that Doug and Greyfox don’t end up fighting over
  the books and the rock collection.  Then I’d leave a farewell
  message on Xanga.  Then I’d take Koji out for a walk around the
  neighborhood one last time.

   

  4) I am told I MUST take revenge on one individual who has scorned me.
  I must reach down to the evil depths of my being – who, what and why?

  And who, pray tell, is going to tell me that I MUST do any such thing,
  and enforce it?  Let’s get real.  The “evil depths of my
  being?”  Where’s that?  “Scorned me?”  What do I care
  who scorns me and why would I trouble myself with such a person?

   

  5) Who is my higher power and what substantiates my belief?

  I usually refer to my HP as “Spirit” or my spirit guides, except when
  I’m talking about it in 12-step meetings.  There, I say, “God”,
  because that’s the language they speak and understand.  It’s not a
  who, it’s a what, non-human, genderless and often plural.

   The Urantia Book refers to something it calls the Celestial
  Hierarchy, all the way from the First Source and Center of the
  Superuniverse of Universes, down through Creator Sons, Mother Spirits,
  archangels, angels and midway creatures and more.  If I were
  looking for something to believe in, I think I’d go for that.

  I can’t “substantiate my belief” because I don’t believe.  People
  believe in things they aren’t sure of, that they’ve never experienced
  or known.  I know my Guides as well as I know my family. 
  They know me better than anyone does.  Their presence is as real
  to me and even more constant than that of my family.

  If these non-corporeal beings with whom I commune and upon whose
  guidance I rely are part of the celestial hierarchy, I don’t know their
  titles or rank or names.  They don’t seem to mind that I can’t
  call them by name.  They always respond to a call for help.

  ---

  Okay, now to bring things back down to earth for a bit.  Summer is
  over, here.  It’s barely eleven PM, and almost dark outside. 
  I turned on the porch light when I went to the outhouse just now, but
  it doesn’t illuminate the inside of the outhouse, only the path out to
  it.  When I got there, I paused and groped around on the wall for
  the light switch.  There isn’t one, of course… never has
  been.  I’m losin’ it.  Now, about six and a half hours after
  I first said I was going to, I’m going to bed… after I get something
  to eat.
  

  • 2:53 am
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