July 27, 2005

  • A three-blog day.  I must be getting back into the blog habit,
    making up for lost time, or something.  It’s my son Doug’s
    birthday, he’s 24.  I thought about scanning and posting some of
    his baby pics, but just don’t have the energy after everything else.

    Theta… and me

    I go through periods when I seem to work at keeping my brainwaves in

    Beta frequency:  I play solitaire, read, listen to talk and
    news

    radio, game on the PS2 and think, think, think.  One thing I

    seldom think about during these times is meditation.

    There, my deepest and most shameful secret is out!

    It truly is a shame, because for me Beta is mostly a waste of

    time.  None of the things I do best are done in
    Beta.  I do

    my best writing in Theta.  Sitting down with my jewelry tools
    and

    stones, wire, beads and things, I just naturally drift into Theta as I

    start to work.  To think of trying to do a reading in Beta is
    to

    laugh.

    Is the urge that makes me “forget” to meditate the same sort of urge

    that makes me “forget” to take my vitamins?  At this moment,
    high

    in Theta, it feels that way.  It is, in the words of my mentor
    E.

    J. Gold, “identifying with the sleep of the machine.”

    Meditation comes up at every twelve-step meeting.  It’s in
    the

    opening readings of the meeting format:  “We sought through
    prayer

    and meditation to maintain our constant contact with God….” 
    But

    many members when they speak of prayer are speaking of petitioning,
    and

    when they speak of meditation I think they mean reflective
    thought.

    Most human beings think that when they’ve slowed their brainwaves down

    to Alpha they are in the Euphoria Zone.  I suppose, compared
    to

    being in Beta 24/7, Alpha is euphoric.  Theta is beyond that,

    opening vistas of enlightening visions and creative inspiration few

    people ever know.  Theta is the brainwave state achieved by
    Yoga

    adepts and practiced meditators.

    Few of the people with whom I associate in real life practice

    meditation or the form of prayer that is seeking communion with
    Spirit.

     Even fewer of those people understand the brainwave states

    involved, the deeper amplitude, lower frequency waves of
    Theta. 

    One of the very few people I know who has the vocabulary and knowledge

    base to discuss these things is my husband Greyfox, but like me he

    often gets stuck for long periods of time in Beta.

    Maybe that’s the curse of genius, of having a brain that functions so

    well in that state.  There are more ego points available in
    Beta

    than in Theta.  Try getting into a game of one-upmanship or a

    shouting match or a bitch session in Theta and you’ll find your

    biological machine back in Beta in no time.

    Decades ago I began learning to tune my brainwaves like a
    radio. 

    I used biofeedback devices at first and then the brainwave entrainment

    techniques such as drumming, chant and dance, before the myriad of

    psychoactive sound recordings began becoming available.  My
    little

    CD tower here on the computer desk holds sixteen of them. 
    Right

    now Robert Monroe’s Inner Journey is coming through
    my headphones.

    I no more understand why I chose to listen to this now than I

    understand why I sometimes go so long between Theta-inducing

    sessions.  “Why?”  That’s a question I often ask in

    Beta.  It becomes irrelevant in Theta. It’s trivial. 
    In this

    state, I often see how things came about; I also understand that how
    is

    not the same as why.

    I confessed here last week to having been “influenced” by people
    around

    me.  It happens, and it makes me wonder if I have any such

    influence on others.  I suspect that one must be open in order
    to

    be influenced.  I suppose I am more open than most. 
    When I

    think about it (not often), I know that I prefer being open to being

    closed.  For one thing, the readings I’d do if I were closed
    off

    from the thoughts and feelings of my clients would not be of much use

    to the clients and would do nothing for my professional
    reputation.

    I hope that when I reopen KaiOaty’s Klinic, there are lots of readings

    to be done, many reasons to slip the headphones on and drift into

    Theta.  Beyond whatever benefit this does for clients and any

    material rewards I receive for that, Theta is the healing zone for

    me.  My long periods spent in Beta state seem to build up

    encrustations of psychic debris:  the sorry, fearful news I
    hear

    on the radio; frustrations and failures from my daily activities,

    etc.  In Theta I can clear all that away and free my mind from
    the

    mundane.

    So, why the hell don’t I do this more often?  Who
    knows?  Who cares?  I’m doing it now, and now is all
    there is.

Comments (13)

  • I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself and what you need.

  • I don’t think I quite understand the whole meditation thing. I’m not sure why, but I don’t get it at all.

    *sigh* I feel like I’m missing something mainly because everyone keeps telling me how wonderful it is.

    Maybe it is. Maybe it isn’t.

  • Sometimes it’s wonderful and sometimes it isn’t — it helps me find peace within~

    Kathy – go with the flow my friend

  • …the curse of genius and the bane of modesty :)

  • i’m not sure precisely what theta is … but i wonder if sometimes i go there when i’m writing poetry because it just seems to happen … like i’m taking dictation or something

  • i would love for you to explain to me about the brainwaves and how you can control them. i’ve just started to meditate and it’s a frustrating process at the moment, but i know i will stick to it. What has been your experience with meditation and what kind of meditation do u do?

  • I tried tuning my brain, but all I got was Brady Bunch reruns…

  • I learn so much form you nearly every time I read one of your posts–it must be interesting to be a genius.  No ass-kissing intended…I know Virgos are usually impervious to flattery, anyway.  Their particular sort of ego doesn’t require it.  But I do think you are quite amazing. 

    I’m writing you soon…my last class (until mid-August) ended last night & besides the 9-5 gig, which is a breeze, I have 3 glorious weeks of freedom. Time for some serious soul-searching.  Old Man Saturn and his Return are kicking my ass hard-core.  Throw in some Retrograde Merc, new and startling revelations about what I thought “love” and “soulmate” meant–I was so very wrong (you were gone for a while so not sure if you knew I cancelled my Sept. 18 wedding)–and these are some confusing times.  I find myself breaking into tears randomly several times a day.  But this might be a good thing.  I have never been so lost or confused in my entire life, but for once it feels okay.

  • Hi there, you old beta-head!  Ahem.  Xgram–the big fluffy tabby has been around again, even came into the cabin–I named him (?) Rags, after Crusader Rabbit’s sidekick.

    I remembered I need to order white keytags, will put them on the Sears charge for quicker processing, will deposit a smidge more in the credit union than I said I would–details later.

    Found some money and $3 in stamps and some really amusing porn–”Big Black Butts”–in the dumpster today.  Also an ACE bandage, I think it is for knees.  May come in handy.

    Later–

  • Beautifully reaffirming!  Thank you!!!

    .

  • yeah, it always makes me smile at meetings when we talk about meditation, because i jmust can’t picture these ranchers and mechanics with their shitkickers crossed lotus position the same way i am on my mat in my foyer in the evenings.

    i’ve been neglecting my spiritual program too much lately, myself.

    i’d like to learn more about brain waves. suggest a good starting point?

  • Hi again.  Well, today started like yesterday only worse.  I had these weird nightmares–I was at a gun show and there was a huge display knife on the wall, people kept asking me about it, I didn’t know anything; I had to get up to work the show, couldn’t move; tried to see the time, the face on my atch kept changing into these wieird clock-face things I couldn’t make out.

    Stopped at the moving sale to look at their videos, they weren’t out yet, and their gunsd were insanely expensive–to me, anyway–like a Ruger assault rifle for $450–probably worth it, but I am used to gun show bargain prices.

    The library was open when I got there, the comp I wanted was in use, went to the mens room, got out and my other choice had been taken while I had been taking a shit.  (So if you notice one missing. . . . .)

    The comp is doing wierd shit–I am retyping what I had just typed because it showed up in this separate  wondow way up in the corner like it was an email message or something. . .sigh.  Gee, I miss those old diesel-powered comps–THOSE I knoew how to run.

    I will try to call you around 11:15 am or so, see about the mail thing.  As I recall, the bottom line was that you would call to find ut the deal on the priority mail, the stuff that will go back top wherever. . . .

    One “good” thing–the weather is shitty as expected.

    Oh, and I figured out a way to ameliorate the mess, which I will manifest on this plane when I get back to the cabin.

  • perhaps the reason i’ve never been able to clear my thoughts enough to meditate can best be demonstrated in my reading this and thinking in the back of my head that it sounded like some odd fraternity/sorority was being discussed…Alpha Beta Theta Mu.
    like the others mentioned, i’d love to learn more.  i’d love to be able to train myself to sit and clear my thoughts.  grr.  self control would be a good start no doubt.
    and?
    not that your husband’s bodily functions are a source of amusement but “so if you notice one missing…” is a great line.  i’m still laughing.

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