June 21, 2002

• The following was stolen from Got CALICHE?, my favorite email newsletter, the ONLY one I’ve kept for any length of time without cancelling in disgust.  It is clearly a case of copyright infringement for me to publish it here, and I was foolish enough, just today, to tell the editor about my blog here.  However, if just one of you finds this as laugh-provoking as I did, it will have been worth it.

  
  

  
  

  
  David_Doyel@URSCorp.com wrote:
  A high-profile research institution has announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. This new element has been tentatively named “Administratium.” Administratium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 111 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These particles are held together by a force called morons, surrounded by  vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Administratium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over 4  days to complete when it would normally take less than a second. Administratium has a half-life of 3 years; it does not decay but undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. Administratium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization causes some  morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as “Critical Morass.”  You will know it when you see it.
  
  Editor’s Reply:
  
  Given:  6.023 x 10(power 23) = avagadro’s number
  
  Rule: [t1 + t2 + t3 time delay for three-phase archaeology review], divided by [avagadro's number x administratium)] x 100 = a mole of morass
  
  Lab Note: As Administratium’s mass increases over time, some can tinker and create larger molecules which combine federalium or agencium, with adverse-effectium and ACHPium. These molecules serve like a catalyst in a chain reaction to make Administratium a more highly radioactive form of isodope. At this point, if you are standing in the trenches with goggles on — hoping to test soil and the level of politicium in the atmosphere — you really can’t argue sh.. from SHPOleum.
  
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  Contact the Newsletter Editor:
  
  archaeologist@rocketmail.com (e-mail)
  
  www.swanet.org (url)
  

  
  

  Well, did you laugh?  Did you?

  • 7:42 pm
  • 8 Comments